Nothing Like Slamming a Silver Bullet Into a Well-Greased Chamber... If You Know What I Mean

I'm sure everyone has seen this Internet Explorer commercial, but if you haven't here it is.



I was just thinking about it in a new light, and that light is this: Are you telling me that all I have to do to scam people out of their money is to just not do it on the internet? That's what I learned. Not that I should upgrade my browser, but that 1) People are idiots and will do anything for quick cash, and 2) We've become so used to internet scams that we've forgotten that real life scams exist... Unbelievable.

You know what else is unbelievable? It's getting to be where we can't do anything on our own property anymore. You remember like a year ago, when I posted that news video of the guy who was in his house naked, and some people sued him? Consider this story a sequel. There's a guy in western Pennsylvania who is being fine $600. For what, you ask? For keeping hundreds of bags of garbage on his property. The trash isn't on anyone else's property, only his. He says it's like fertilizer for the 350 kinds of medicinal herbs and vegetables he grows. At this point, you're saying "It's still garbage! It still reeks!" Nope. Cuz the bags are filled with leaves. Apparently, it keeps the soil insulated. I don't know, I don't grow anything. But it seems logical. It's like compost. And for you, Mr. Zeller, I say fuck the district judge. It's your property, do whatever the fuck you want on it. Anyone who complains can answer to me. And by "answer to," I mean "suck." And by "me," I mean "my dick." The article is here, if you want to read more.

Alright, let's see what comedian I'm into today... And the winner is: Jimmy Carr! Congrats, Jimmy! You've made it onto A2O. That's kind of like an achievement, only not at all like it... whatsoever... Anyway, let's see Jimmy do some stand-up.



Yea, he's like the one-liner king. Dimitri Martin is good at one-liners, too. I don't know, I think we'll call it a tie.

Well, computer's acting up. Think that's my cue. Checking up on some jobs tomorrow (wish me luck), and then it's off to Kentucky for the weekend... Which means we may not see another new post until Monday. But we'll see how it all plays out. Good night, everyone, and as always, you're welcome.



~Christian

Fuck Laptops, Wireless Internet, and the Whole Fuckin' World!

I just watched the premiere of "Louis" on FX. It was hilarious. What else could I expect from Louis C.K.?



More? I thought so.



Well, my computer is being a shithead. Doesn't want to load anything. So that will most likely be the last video. I don't want to put something up unless I know it's good, and I can't think of any good videos I've seen that I haven't put up here before... So, that's that. Let's turn to the news... Or not... Fuckin' computer... It's brand damn new, I don't see any reason it should run like a piece of shit. I can't download anything on it, which is probably the fault of the processor, which I guess gets burned out really fuckin' easily... You know what? I'll just see you tomorrow. Maybe by then it'll stop acting up.

Piece of shit.

~Christian

So Bleeding Boring

Just got back from a Dragons game (courtesy of Kyle). They won 15-10. It's weird because they had been down like, four or five runs before we got there, but the second we got there, the Dragons scored 8 in one inning. Yea, we're magic like that.

I liked that Geico thing I showed yesterday, so I found another one. It's the silence that makes it golden.



Oh, Abe. Sometimes, one has to lie...

Alright, I don't know what the hell the woman in this next video was thinking... But she's an idiot.



... Yea, that happened. People are just... Well, you know. They're stupid.

Okay, this video is funny, mostly cuz I just got back from a baseball game. But it's like a sport within a sport.



Haha! See, he was falling asleep and then his head falls back... Yea, you got it. That's funny as hell.

Okay, I think we're good. Be back tomorrow!



~Christian

Jackwagon

So I wanted to start my own online radio station, but apparently the only good one is Live365, and you have to pay for it... So needless to say, I'm not starting my own station... But if I did, it would rock.

Okay, here's a weird story. A woman falls out of a third story window and lands on a car. She bonuces off the hood. Then she walks into her neighbor's open garage, goes into the house and falls asleep... Other than some minor injuries, she was fine... I'd like to give you a reason for why this happen, like that she was drunk. But the article doesn't say she was drunk. Just one of life's mysteries...

Here's a show called "Tech Know," in which they review various gadgets and gizmos and whatnot. I don't care about what they're reviewing, this is just funny.



Kind of wish that the chick was the one researching, though. If you know what I mean... No? Okay.

I found another story similar to the one from earlier. A guy broke into someone's house and then fell asleep. That's probably a bad idea. Especially if you plan on getting away with breaking in... But I guess we can't all be criminal masterminds like me... Here's the article.

That's all I got. See you tomorrow!



~Christian

Raccoons: Friends or Foes?

Just got back from seeing Zane and Josh playing an acoustic gig. Little did I know it was not at the Artisan's Cafe, as Facebook had informed me. No. It was in the hookah lounge next door... Thanks for the heads up, Facebook. So it was a little different. But good, nonetheless.

Let's start with something really cool. This is a game called Avalanche. It looks really simple, but this game made four guys stop playing Modern Warfare 2 and stare intently into the computer screen, cheering for the little marshmallow guy. It's fun as hell. Try and beat my record: 518 ft. I don't know what the all-time high is, but it's probably some ridiculous number that no human or android could ever reach...

In the News

Raccoons are not to be trusted. Apparently, a single raccoon managed to knock out power to a section of downtown Memphis for five hours. Why? The motives are as of yet unclear, but police suspect this is the first in a series of outages staged to make us succumb to the demands of the raccoon army... The full article is here.

This next story is about a couple who will never be in the running for "Parents of the Year." So picture this: a 52-year-old man and his 30-year-old wife or girlfriend or something, have their 1-year-old and 4-year-old son in a stroller and are pushing them down the street at 1 AM. Did I mention the parents were drunk? And also that the kids were in the stroller next to cases of booze? And also a double-edged bayonet?... I didn't? Oh, well it's all true. And that's why they are arguably the worst parents ever. Here's the full article.

Time for the first video. Many people have seen zombie movies, but few know what to do in case of a zombie attack. Zombie Awareness Day has already passed, but it is still important to know how to stay alive when zombies come to eat your brain.



Well, I can't seem to find anymore cool videos tonight... So we'll end with this video of an iPhone 4 being shot by a .50 Cal.



You know, maybe if the iPhone had some useful apps, it wouldn't suck so much. But I'm tired of every fucker with an iPhone saying "Dude, check out my iGun, and my iLightsaber..." I got an idea, Apple: How about putting in a real gun. That way we can use our phone for self-defense... or to rob liquor stores... or to shoot Apple execs in the face... Or how about an app that puts out fires?
"Oh no, my stove is on fire!"
"Don't worry, I've got my iPhone with a built in fire extinguisher!"
"My hero!"
But no, it's all stupid fucking nonsense. And any fucker can upload an app. Cuz shit like that has worked in the past... Maybe that's the real problem. Maybe that's where all the stupid apps come from... But it was Apple's idea to allow for that in the first place...

~Christian

Un Chat Grand...

This is gonna sound kind of weird, but I really like Lady GaGa's new single, "Alejandro." I told you it was weird. Anyway, if you've never seen the original video, it's made a lot of people... let's say "uncomfortable." It's essentially a bunch of guys rubbing all over each other and stuff. I didn't feel real awkward watching it. I'm pretty open-minded. I did, however, feel awkward watching this video parody...



Yea, like I said: It's awkward...

Apparently, at a Kindergarten graduation ceremony (which are stupid, by the way) several parents were arrested for starting a physical fight... There were like, over 20 people invovled in this thing... While their 6-year-olds were commencing to first grade... I swear, some people, I just wanna take their little necks and... Anyway, some people just piss me off. I don't know what the fight was about, but one parent probably said something like "Your kid's stupid, they let him graduate?" At which point the other parent hit the first in the face, I don't know. But you can read the full article here.

This next video is from someone named Peter Chao. It's also like a mirror of what I think of the iPad, and all other Apple garbage.



That's it today. I'm leaving you with a French commercial. Enjoy.



In case you don't understand French, they're using orange soda as an aftershave here. Apparently, they use the same thing for deodorant and acne medicine as well... Weird... Oh yea, and there's a giant cat...

~Christian

"We're Almost Through the Month of June," Said the Sun to the Moon

Good thing she had password protection, something tells me he was carrying a virus...

What's up? Welcome to A2O. I'd like to start today with a with a little dissertation I've prepared...

"Why You Shouldn't Get Drunk and then Swim in the Ocean," a dissertation by Christian Yates

If you get really hammered, chances are, you're going to pass out. If you're just swimming along, you could pass out and drown. Or get eaten by sharks. If you're like this guy, however, and you're on a pool floaty... Well, then things get interesting. He floated a mile off shore. He very easily could've been lost forever. Or been eaten by sharks... So if you're gonna get wasted, please be responsible: Don't drink and swim.

Alright, here's an interesting video, which thoroughly proves that Apple should go fuck themselves. Apparently, if you hold the iPhone 4 the wrong way, you'll drop calls.



I hate Apple crap. Makes me mad that every MP3 player is referred to as an iPod. And the iPhone is just one useless app away from having its ass kicked by yours truly.

Now onto the shocking science fiction part of our show.

Tales From the Beyond!

Scotland has its share of oddities, such as the Loch Ness Monster and men wearing dresses, but it seems a new creature, the Horse Boy, has spawned from the dark, mysterious... um, suburb of Aberdeen?... Okay, so maybe Horse Boy isn't actually half-man, half-horse, but can you give me a reason why anyone would do this?














It's absolutely fascinating. Caught for the first time on camera by Google's Street View van.

Skeptics have said that you can see him putting on the mask when you back down the road... I don't know. Just one of life's unsolved mysteries. Although, I hope we hear more from Horse Boy in the future.

Well, that ought to wrap it up for today. Tune in tomorrow for more crazy stuff. Until then, here's the craziest thing I could find this week.



~Chrisitan