One Never Mentions Fight Club

Alright, a few updates. First, I've started a second blog, which will hopefully be of interest to a lot of people. It's called Exie Records and it's awesome. It's different from this one. But it's good.



That's one of my favorite commercials right now. Where does one acquire a miniature giraffe?... I want one. (Gift ideas... only 5 more months...)

In this next video, you will see a news anchor giving a reporter the finger... But I don't speak Russian, so his reasons are unclear.



According to YouTube user soadfannumeroone, in Soviet Russia, "news gives you the finger." Couldn't have said it better myself.

In the News

Little Red Riding Hood finally makes sense. I always wondered why the wolf was so interested in that basket of goodies. Now I know. The "goodies" were actually six pounds of pot... A package addressed to "Grandma Henderson" singled out by drug dogs at a post office in Talladega, Alabama. When three guys came to pick it up, they were arrested and police found, you guessed it, six pounds of pot in the package... Criminals are morons. What happened to the days where you just drove your drugs to wherever they needed to go? Traffickers are just lazy these days... Here's the article.

And now, one of the weirdest videos in the history of YouTube... ish.



This video is still making me laugh.

But that's all for today. I'll leave you with this: The single greatest thing I've ever seen... including the first time I had sex...



The world needs this movie. More than it needs world peace... or universal health care... Search your feelings, you know it to be true...

~Christian

I Could Make a Balls Joke, But...

Well, to be honest, I don't think that there are any more ball jokes to make after I saw this video. They've done all of them...

I could play with these balls all day. Priceless. More quality entertainment from Ashes to Oranges...

... This next story begs only one question: What is the quickest route to Tucumcari, New Mexico? Police found over $600,000 in pot after a man crashed into a snow pile... That's ridiculous. You can read the article here.

That's all today, people. See ya next time.

~Christian

Ten Days Later...

... Um, hi. So, I've been kind of neglectful. Really neglectful. I haven't been updating. But starting the first of the year, I'll try to get on and put something up every day. Here's a video of some marshmallows being brutally massacred.

It's always Steve that goes first...

This next video isn't so much funny as it is cute and/or romantic. I also really like the song (it's "Yellow" by Coldplay).

That's for Chels, if she ever reads this post. She showed me the video.

Alright, this story is from Christmas day in Missouri. Do you have one of those friends that's kind of hard to shop for? Well, there is one gift that trumps all others, and this guy decided to give this gift which keeps on giving. Officers found in this guy's car 20 pounds of gift-wrapped marijuana. A merry fucking Christmas indeed.

I know it's not much, after having been gone for ten days with no good explanation... but there you go. See you tomorrow!

~Christian

Tonight, I Am Going to Wash the Hippy

So, I've been writing more (lyrics) lately. I'm proud of the way they're turning out. I'm getting better at this stuff. Now I need to get better at piano so I can write my piano screamo song... Trust me, it'll work.

Here's a video that might bring a little fun to your day. Do the Sex Offender Shuffle, everybody!

Telly cracks me up. "It was an extortion plot by my wife!" Yea, okay, pervert. And I'm the last son of Krypton.

Before you watch this video, I wanna say something: First, plastic surgery is the worst idea ever. You should only ever have plastic surgery if you're a burn victim or you stepped on a landmine or something. You should NOT have plastic surgery because you want a firmer butt, fewer wrinkles, or a less flabby tummy. That's just called getting old. It happens to the best of us. And nobody wants to look like Joan Rivers when they're a hundred and twelve like she is. Second, models are fucking stupid. I can't stand them. Women look at them like blueprints and they have to fit into said blueprint. Models are morons. Don't believe me? Look where this model's need to be "beautiful" seems to have failed her just a bit.

See my point? It's kind of funny to me, in an incredibly bitter sense.

So here's an awkward situation: you want to donate something to charity for Christmas, so you find an old vase and give it to Goodwill. You feel good about yourself. But later, you're looking for your weed and can't find it. That's when you realize that your $1,500 worth of pot was, ironically, in that pot. Dammit! That actually happened this week in southeast Ohio of all places. You can read about it here.

That's all tonight. See you tomorrow!

~Christian