From Torchdown Jesus to Playboy Jesus

First off, yes. It has in fact been a week since my last post. That's because during the months of July and August, posts will only occur once a week, every Thursday. Why? Cuz this is my blog, and I decide the scheduling... But fear not, posts will be longer to make up for the other six days.

Face Palm of the Week (And Quite Possibly All the Other Weeks, Too)

Lindsey Lohan violated the terms of her probation because she's a stupid fucking bitch. So the court system gave her 90 days in prison, followed by 90 days in a rehab facility. Her response to this sentence?



She fucking cries. Like 3 months in prison because she's a cokehead alcoholic bitch is unfair. You can see her mouthing "Is she serious?" when the judge gives the sentence. I'm like "Yea, she's serious, you spoiled little brat. Suck it up and move on. You deserve more jail time than that, honestly." God, she just pisses me off. Why are so many fucking celebrities like this? If you don't want to go to prison... DON'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING ILLEGAL! It's that fucking simple. Just obey the law. And then she's trying to make it out like she's a good person. Your trip to Morocco may have been work, but let's be honest. Being a rock star is also techincally work, but they get a lot of pleasure out of it too. So it wasn't just for work, hun. Sorry you're a washed up junkie that the world has thrown away. Go drown in a bottle of scotch. You fucking crybaby.

Alright, now that that's out of the way, let's watch some videos!

Here's a fail video of a wedding photographer who, apparently, doesn't feel the need to watch where he's going.



... I hope they got a liquidation discount on those pictures... What? That was funny!

Here's something I'm really excited about, and honestly, it makes me want to buy a TomTom.



Yea, that video is pretty much the coolest thing ever. Seriously though, you can actually get Star Wars voices for your TomTom and now I want a TomTom. "Wrong turn you have made... to the Dark side."

In the News

Here's a new one. A guy is so pissed at his wife, he drives his SUV through their front door... Here's Johnny... But yea, that's a true story. Good thing the kids weren't standing right there. I'm pretty sure it's still vehicular manslaughter even if you're in the living room. Looks like he was pretty wasted, which begs the question: Why the hell did they let the bastard drive home?... With precious cargo onboard?... The article can be read here.

Alright, this story is... Morbidly funny. Watch the video, I'll add my comments in a second.



A lot of people are saying she wasn't doing anything wrong and how the police should leave her alone, but honestly, what she did could be considered abuse of a corpse. I mean, she doesn't seem like a whackjob. She sounded perfectly sane... She's just living with and talking to her dead twin and dead husband... God, I bet the sex is really boring...

In other news, Playboy in Portrugal have crossed the line. They put Jesus Christ on the cover with a nude model, as well as an entire photo shoot involving Christ and lesbian models. Hugh Hefner's headquarters is said to be outraged. Who wouldn't be? There's some things you just don't do. Putting Jesus in Playboy is one of them. That's fucked up. You can read the article and see the (censored) cover here. If, however, you wish to see the uncensored cover, well, that's... elsewhere...

Well, that ought to do it. But before I forget, has everyone heard Disturbed's new single? It's called "Another Way to Die," and it's on the album Asylum, which comes out August 31. I'm pretty excited. It reminds me of older Disturbed, like "Vocies" meets "Prayer," you know? Anyway, there's no actualy video to this video, it's pretty much just an animation of this castle (or perhaps, an asylum?...) with fire. But it's pretty cool for only being that. Anyway, check it out.



Okay, that's all I got. Tune in next week for more awesome shit that's also pretty cool... Stay classy, San Francisco.



~Christian

Start With Boobs, End With Lasagna

A few weeks ago, Hayley William, lead singer of Paramore, found herself in a little bit of trouble. And by trouble, I mean nude pictures of her leaked and went viral. Her response? "WTF? I got hacked!" Clearly, she didn't want people to see that pic, which begs the question: Why the hell did you take it then? Aren't pictures meant to be looked at by someone? Here's a suggestion for everyone: Don't ever take pictures of yourself naked unless you want it all over the internet. That being said, here's a link to an uncensored photo. Honestly, Hayley, this was your fault. If you didn't want us to see them, you shouldn't have snapped a nice little pic.

Welcome to Ashes to Oranges. What's with these singers lately? First Katy Perry, now Hayley Williams.

Let's start with a video from a YouTube celebrity: Mystery Guitar Man.



Isn't...that... fucking... incredible... Yea, he's pretty much the most awesome weblebrity... I might have made up that word, I don't know.

In the News

So don't you hate it when this happens to you: You're stealing things out of cars and then selling them on the street and then you end up trying to sell it to the owner? Annoying, right? That's exactly what happened to this guy, and according to police, this is his 40th arrest... Wow. Burglary is a tough charge. Tougher when you add larceny.

You gotta love drunk people. Always laughing and falling down and touching us inappropriately even after we've begged them to stop... Well here's a new one: This drunk guy broke into a bank (wait for it) to sleep. He was charged for burglary, but he didn't steal anything. So it's really just a B&E. I think the charges are a little excessive, but whatever. Here's the link for the article.

Well, that's it for today. Here's a video to play us out.



~Christian

One Night at McKyle's...

Radiohead's Thom Yorke is predicting a collapse in the music industry, to which I say "No shit." But the thing of it is that he's saying it's gonna happen in the coming months. I suppose he's got a point. The music industry is just one big shit storm, a never-ending slew of horrible ideas (XCP, DRM, signing Brokencyde), and a lot of bands have started doing stuff that is just one big middle figner to the industry. Like Nine Inch Nails and Radiohead releasing free digital albums, Switchfoot dropping their label and releasing "Hello Hurricane" independently. So here's what I suggest: everyone should just have their own record label, and just say "Fuck you, Sony BMG and Universal and all the other fuckers that have kept artists from doing what they want for the past 50 years." Okay, so that's kind of a long thing to say, so maybe just "Fuck you" will suffice. Here's the full article.

This video is from an internet show called "Cute Things... Exploding." It's an art series... Designed to demonstrate how... awesome it is when cute things explode... Shut up and watch.



Yes! It's a minute-long stream of laughter. I nearly pissed myself laughing the first time I saw this.

Here's a video that went viral not too long ago. The OMG Cat!



My God... it's full of stars...

Now here's the OMG Cat exploding!



Yea, that was totally worth the space it took up.

This next video is incredibly pointless (more or less a waste of four minutes of my life...) But there is one redeemable quality: The song is just so damn catchy... What'd you think I was gonna say?...



I watched this video with Kyle... He seems to think the "beach chair" is a metaphor for her ass and the "palm tree" is a metaphor for her YAYbies (special thanks to Myq Kaplan). I reminded him that it's rap and they don't use metaphors... Cuz they suck.

Here's a post from Craigslist's Best of. It's pretty, um... well, different to say the least... It's from a girl to her porn-watching pig boyfriend. Enjoy.

So speaking of sex and stuff, Kyle decided it would be a good idea to show me this. Apparently, he doesn't know me at all. Because this makes me think bad things. It makes me want to do bad things. I have a pain building in my chest because of this fucking website. Thanks a fucking bunch Kyle... Anyway, there's soem pretty hot stuff on there, check it out.

That wraps it up for today. Join me tomorrow for more! Enjoy the closer.



~Christian

Airplanes and Water Balloons

Let me tell you all a little story. Last night was pretty cool for me. My friend, Kyle, and I went to a bar to see some bands play. The first thing that happened was that we couldn't find the damn place. We drove up and down the street for a good ten minutes before we found it. Then there was a $5 cover charge. Between the two of us we had $8. Which is to say that I had $8. The guy at the door said it would be fine. He marked our hands with X's (Because we can't drink. I asked if he wanted to see our IDs. "Don't ask, don't tell.") We had no money left, so we just asked the waitress for two waters. We waited about a half an hour before the first band went on, which is weird because we should've been ten minutes into their set when we got their. Kyle then realized he'd seen this band play before... And he said they were awful. After their set, which featured distorted guitar turned to 11, we concluded that they wouldn't sound so bad if they just turned down the volume. It was then that I realized we could get something to eat, because I had my Visa Debit Card. We ordered a pepperoni and steak pizza. It was delicious. Then a band called Eat Sugar started their set. They were really cool. They had an electric drum pad and two synthesizers, and they played this weird indie/electronica stuff. I talked to the singer after the show and he gave me a free CD. It was awesome. Then on the way home, we saw the Batmobile...

So that's my story. Fun night. I wanna do it again every weekend for the rest of the summer. Alright, I wanna plug something real quick and then we'll get into the videos and stuff (And I've got a really cool video for today). Me and my friend Stephen are trying to start a music festival called "Grungefest." I think you can guess what type of music this festival is geared toward. We need volunteers, donations, and support to make this a reality. Join our Facebook group. Let us know if you can do anything to help (ex. booking, venue, advertising, etc.)!

Here's our first video. I know I already bitched about the BP oil spill, and usually I let it go after I rant about it, but this was hilarous. It's the BP oil spill re-enacted... by cats.



Their new slogan: "You're not mad enough to not drive your car." Love it.

This next video isn't really a video. It's a song off B.o.B.'s first release called "Airplanes." It features Hayley Williams, and it's awesome.



I just realized that this is the version with Eminem too. The one with just Hayley is about a minute shorter. Both are great.

So I was on USAToday.com, and I saw a story from May 20th about a "mystery rodent" that scurried in front of the podium while President Obama was giving a speech. Why is this news?... Oh my God! A mouse is in the White house! Alert the media! White House authorities have assured the public that the mouse is not suspected of terrorism. Nonetheless, a mousehunt has ensued for questioning.

Well, that's all I've got for you today. So I'll leave you with this (I've been waiting to share this all day).



This is Ashes to Oranges. And you're welcome.

~Christian

Of Mice and Men

I've seen some pretty stupid research done in my day, and while this isn't the dumbest, it makes the list. Scientists are currently studying "mice love songs." I guess males sing in this ultrasonic register and it drives the ladies crazy. Some of the time. There are, according to this article, the "Justin Timberlake" mice and then there are mice that sing more like... well, more like this guy.

Yea, it sucks. But I don't think it's any worse than this little gem.

I hate to bash on a little girl like this, but (in the words of the great Simon Cowell) she has got to be the worst singer I've ever heard in my life. I'm serious, it was so bad, I actually question my profession.

And here is one of the coolest things I've seen this year: a 69-year-old woman who DJs in nightclubs in Paris. She's pretty hardcore.

I think that's cool. I mean, my parents try to like the music I listen to (my mom even learns words to songs on the radio... *shudder*) but this lady actually likes it. It's pretty cool.

I'm done for today, people. See ya tomorrow or some other time... And check out my other blog for CD reviews. Later.

~Christian

So I Herd U Liek Mudkipz??

I has come to my attention that many people do not know of the glory of the Mudkip... which is surprising, since it has gotten almost as infamous as the Rickroll... So, let me enlighten you. With a little thing we like to call "The Copypasta." This has not been altered in any way.

Today being Halloween, I decided to fuck with the major retard at school when I came out of science for break. He was dressed as Ash. Knowing this was going to happen, I brough a Mudkips doll. Thus I started the conversation, making sure no one saw me.

"So I heard you like Mudkips..." "Mudkips? I LUUUUUUUUUUUUVE MUDKIPS." "O RLY? So, would you ever fuck a Mudkips, that is.." (he cuts me off before I could said 'if you were a mudkips') "OF COURSE." "Well I just happen to have a Mudkips here, and."

Before I finished the sentence, which would have resulted in me hitting him across the face with the doll, he grabbed it. In one swift motion his pants were down and he was violenly humping it. Not to get between a man and his Mudkips I started to walk away, because there is no way I'd be caught wrestling a half-naked crazy guy humping a Mudkips.

Needles to say, within 5 to 10 seconds, some girls saw him and started screaming. I cooly walked into a restroom, pretending nothing had ever happened; not that I had intended that outcome, but now that it was in play I didn't want to be involved.

I came back two minutes later, and like any wanton act on school grounds there was now a huge crowd round him. He was still fucking it and baying this real fucked up 'EEEEEEEEEEINNNNF EEEEEEEEEEINNNF' sound. Suddenly a scuffle broke out in the middle, meaning he probably did something stupid.

I asked someone what had happened. A girlfriend of one of the football players tried to get him to stop, but he bit her for trying to take it away. Someone called in a few football players (all dressed up like Road Warrior) who proceeded to pummel the shit out of the guy. Meanwhile the school police were freaking out and having trouble getting in to the situation.

A few minutes later the intruder alarm went off and we were shuffled into classrooms. Over the intercom the principal announced that someone had thrown a flaming plush toy into the library. Uh.. what the hell.

So we were kept there and about 30 minutes later the principal came on again. This time he was saying that whoever was behind the beating should turn themselves in. All of a sudden this woman began yelling "I WILL SUE YOU FOR DAMAGES. YOU LITTLE PUNKS, I'M GONNA SUE..." and it was cut off.

I asked an office later what had happened. Apparently his mother had come to pick him up and threatened to sue for the beating and 'whatever else happened.' The school threatened to counter-sue because of lewd conduct, inciting a riot, and starting a fight.

So I ask you: do you like Mudkips?

Watch this video (the original Kip Roll), to better help you understand the Mudkip phenomenon.

Yea. For 9 and a half minutes... Isn't it great?

Okay, let's move away from Mudkip now. And on to Family Guy. This is from an older episode, so I'm sure you've all seen it at some point, but it's still freakin' hilarious.

There are a ton of songs named after girls. He didn't name Emily, Janine, Amber, Kelsey, Trinity, Chelsea, Nancy the Tavern Wench, Jane Doe, Sarah Wynn, Aurora, Emma, Stella, Jasey Rae, Holly, Lucy, Gracie, Adelaide, Kylie from Connecticut, Layne, Helena, Cath..., Donna, Beth... Well, I think you get the idea...

Haha, that's it for today, kiddies!

~Christian

Twas the Night Before New Year's

So tonight marks the end of 2009. What a year it's been, right? Let's run through some highlights, shall we? Well, there was Kanye bashing Taylor, Chris Brown bashed (literally, this time) Rihanna, District 9, Alice in Chain's first studio album in 14 years, that senator that yelled at President Obama, DJ Hero, Transformers 2... It's just been a damn good year. Here's a video that I think is absolutely phenomenal. This song is a remix of 25 of the year's biggest pop songs including Black Eyed Peas, Taylor Swift, Kings of Leon, and Lady GaGa.

Honestly, I don't like most of the songs used, but collectively, they make a great song.

Here's another video. You know those numbers you see on bathroom walls that say "for a good time, call this number"? Ever call one?

Best ending to any video ever.

Okay, I want everyone to go out and try to beat this record: A woman gets pulled over in South Dakota. She's drunk. But here's the kicker: her blood alcohol content was .708... that's nine times the legal limit. That's a record. So, tonight is New Year's Eve. I want everyone to get shit-faced, plastered, hammered, horizontal, and whatever other synonyms for drunk you can think of and then record your blood alcohol. Alright, not really. If people did that, I'd get in trouble, so this is the disclaimer, saying it was only a joke... but seriously, the idea is already there and I can't stop you... :D

~Christian

Ten Days Later...

... Um, hi. So, I've been kind of neglectful. Really neglectful. I haven't been updating. But starting the first of the year, I'll try to get on and put something up every day. Here's a video of some marshmallows being brutally massacred.

It's always Steve that goes first...

This next video isn't so much funny as it is cute and/or romantic. I also really like the song (it's "Yellow" by Coldplay).

That's for Chels, if she ever reads this post. She showed me the video.

Alright, this story is from Christmas day in Missouri. Do you have one of those friends that's kind of hard to shop for? Well, there is one gift that trumps all others, and this guy decided to give this gift which keeps on giving. Officers found in this guy's car 20 pounds of gift-wrapped marijuana. A merry fucking Christmas indeed.

I know it's not much, after having been gone for ten days with no good explanation... but there you go. See you tomorrow!

~Christian

Ain't No Postin' When He's Gone...

I know I haven't posted in a couple days. Oh well. I might stop this altogether soon. Don't know yet. Anyway, some videos.

This has gotta be one the most useless things I've ever seen: The Necky. It's like a Snuggie... for your neck... What's next? Headie for your head! Handsie, for your hands! Dicky for your... well, you get the picture.

Yup.

I'm gonna finish tonight with a download. Here's Trivium's 2005 release "Ascendancy." I think this was their most articulate album to date, and a sort of balance between the different aspects of their music. It wasn't strictly heavy metal like "Ember" was, and not as shitty as "The Crusade" was. Enjoy.

Guess What Tomorrow Is

Tomorrow is my mother fuckin' birthday. And it's gonna be sweet. Cuz I get money. So today, I dressed up like an elf and delivered Christmas presents to the elderly at a nursing home. And also found out that my former place of employment has since firing me hired a new guy. Fuck 'em. I hope the place burns to the ground.

Anyway. I found this video earlier. I think it's funny.

Yea. It's alright. I need to cut this one pretty short, so I think I'll just put a link to a great CD.

This album is one of my favorites: Trapt's self-titled disc. Listen to it yourself. It's great. *Quiet snicker*

And until tomorrow, that shall be all. Hope you liked the download... Hahaha!

"C" is for [Insert Genitalia Reference Here]

Hey! This is probably gonna be a shorter one tonight, cuz I didn't get any sleep last night (literally) and I slept all day today and blah blah blah... anyway, I'm tired. But I'll throw in some cool stuff.

Here's Skillet's video for "Monster." I'm pretty pumped for their new album.

I love the part with the real low growl.

This video is from a month or two ago from College Humor. It's great.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

They put out some good stuff. "I feel like we all have really good aim until the second we put these helmets on." Ha! Classic.

Hahaha, this made me smile. Go to Google and type "tiger woods is " into the search bar. You get some cool results. For those of you too lazy to to it your damn selves, here's a picture.

And I'm out. Did anyone watch the Moochie series? Do it, the first episode is on yesterday's post. The rest are on YouTube. They're great. Me and Kyle watched all 6 twice yesterday. You'll laugh, you'll cry. Trust me. Adios.

~Christian

Fuck Black Friday

Let me tell you a story. Yesterday, I decided to go to Best Buy for Black Friday because Mike (my brother) told me they had "Fallout 3: Game of the Year Edition" for $20. My mom gave me twenty bucks (cuz it's going to be my birthday present) and I woke up at 4:00. Mike came too. We got there at 4:45, and there were already about 3-or-400 people in line. We decided to get out of the car (in the cold and drizzling rain) and wait in line. Good thing we did: by the time the store finally opened, there were a good 150 people behind us. We found the game easily, but there was a problem. It was 40 bucks. Fuck. I ran back to my car and drove back home. I caught mom before she had left for work. She gave me another $20. I drove back. I waited in the goddamn line for an hour and a half. I got to the cashier, and he says "Okay, that'll be $60." I almost punched him in the face. I was livid. The only money I had was forty bucks. So I went back home and then at 9, I went to the bank to take out $20 from my savings. They said that I couldn't take out any money without my mother's approval, because I'm technically still a minor for the next two weeks. Fuck. I didn't have my cell. I drove back home. I got my cell, I called my mom, she talked to the teller, I got my money, I drove to Best Buy, picked up the game (which they still had plenty of freaking copies of) and waited in a line for five minutes. I should have waited five hours. I could've saved my self so much trouble. Worst day ever. Fuck Black Friday.

Okay, that was a long-ass rant... Here's a video. Paramore's new single, "Brick by Boring Brick."

Great song.

Now, I have to leave for Indiana. Family trip. Clifty Falls. Adios!

~Christian

Happy Turkey Day!

Everybody get enough to eat today? I did. It was hardcore. Turkey, mashed potatoes, cheesy veggie casserole, the works. Plus some pecan pie and banana pudding. Anyone going shopping tomorrow? I'm going to Best Buy to pick up the Game-of-the-Year Edition of Fallout 3. It's like 20 bucks. That's a steal compared to the normal $60. So I'm leaving at like 4:30 in the freaking morning to get it. Fun.

This is funny. Billy Crystal and Robert DeNiro work well together.


This video also kind of makes me laugh. Happy Thanksgiving.

Damn cat, always eating the pie...

So, for Thanksgiving, be thankful for another music download! Woo! Today, 10 Years' "Division." This is their latest studio effort and one of their best. The guitar work on this is phenomenal and the atmosphere was perfect. From the slower songs like "So Long, Goodbye" to the harder ones like "Just Can't Win" and "Actions & Motives," it deserves a listen.

And that's all today, gotta get some shut-eye for the shopping tomorrow. God, I sound like such a chick. See ya!

~Christian

What is This World Coming To?

Foxnews.com is my homepage. So when I opened my internet browser, I saw this headline "Killer Homework?: Cop Says Teen Killed Girl , 9, 'To Know What It Felt Like'." Honestly, that's just fucking sick. You gotta be seriously fucked up in the head to decide to go over to your neighbor's house, strangle their daughter, cut her throat, and stab her. That's... that's just fucking horrible.

Alright, let's change the subject. Here's why you shouldn't A) invite slutty chicks to your wedding, B) serve them alcohol, and C) have a single (rather colorful) pole that holds up your tent...

Yea, we're gonna mark this under "epic fail," lady.

Hey, has anyone heard Puddle of Mudd's new single? It sucks. They're doing such a horrible job these days, I'm surprised they're even receiving radio play. Speaking of garbage, my girlfriend told me to watch Lady GaGa's new video for "Bad Romance." The song blows, but the video's trippy as hell. And in a good way, not like Beyonce's freaking "Video Phone" shit. She was nasty-looking in that video (which is weird as hell for Beyonce...).

Ever sit around your house, just texting on your iPhone and wonder... What would happen if I put this iPhone in my microwave? Well, your question has been answered by these guys...

Yea, so I guess it's not a good idea to microwave an iPhone... Who would've guessed?

That about wraps it up for today. So until next time, here's Ninja Cat. Goodnight, everybody.


~Christian

There's More to Living Than Being Alive

Okay, this is gonna be a short one, cuz I still need to do dishes and then go to bed.

Here's a little story about why not just anyone can be a ninja. This guy attempted to leap over a fence, but was then impaled on it... He's fine, but you can't recover from stupid...

Okay, we haven't done this in a while: music downloading! Woo! I'm an enabler! Alright, today I have for you Alice in Chains' "MTV Unplugged" disc. It's absolutely fantastic. So many of their songs translate so well to acoustic, and this CD proves it. I can't think of any downside to this album. If you like hangover music, why not wake up drunk with this?

Alright, here's a video. It's actually a commercial from American Express, but I love the music in it. I believe this is the prelude to Bach's Cello Suite No. 1 in G Major. And I love it.


And with that, I bid you adieu. I'll see you again tomorrow.

~Christian

Videos of Things I Did Today And Other Fun Minutia

Yesterday was busy. Wake up, go to school. From school I went directly to Sinclair to see a poetry reading by two poets who were, in my humble opinion, incredibly talented. Jon Sands was one of them. If you've never seen him, check this out. The first one's... pretty dirty... but they're all incredible.

There's so much power to it. It's incredible. The other poet was Adam Falkner. He's a little different from Jon. His poems have a certain je ne sais quoi (perhaps, more bitter-sounding...). Anyway, here's my favorite poem by him. It's called "Passing."

I got to talk to these guys after their reading, too. They're pretty cool. I always like meeting people that write, like when I met the singer for Riverboat Gamblers. It gives me a chance to meet people who do what I enjoy: writing and then performing for people what I've written. And people who write enjoy feedback from their audience, so it's a win/win.

After the reading, I went home and cleaned, then went to band practice (we sound fucking great, guys), then I went skating then went back to Chelsea's and watched Treasure Planet. But I fell asleep. So, now I have no money and I'm a little worn out and my feet hurt. A good night.

Today, however, I will be going to a Trans Siberian Orchestra concert... fo' free. I haven't been to one concert that I paid for. It makes me happy. So, I hope everyone knows who TSO is. I'm sure you'll know this video.

... Awesome. Just incredible. I wonder how long that took him? I mean, you can't just sit down in one afternoon and program 125,000 lights to flash on every note the orchestra plays... What a nerd. But a cool nerd.

Alright, so you know when I posted that story that said that reviewing pot shops was "the best job ever?" Well, I found one better. A police informant was given money, by the police, four times to pay for sex in a massage parlor. And then $180 for his troubles... Best... job... ever. But the cops are in trouble for it because what they did was absolutely ridiculous.

Ever been really late to something with no way to get there, but you really needed to be there? Why not steal a car? That's what this guy did. See, he was really late to his arraignment on auto theft charges. That's right. He stole a car to drive to the courthouse in order to face auto theft charges... There's just... I don't even know how to respond to the ludicrous level of imbecility this man obviously has. God, that was like poetry, you see that? I rock.

That's it for today, I have to leave, like right now. To go to Kyle's to go to TSO! Woo! See ya!

~Christian

Football is for the Birds

So, about a week ago, during an Oakland/Phillie game, a pigeon joined the Raiders.

The refs should've called that foul: that's an obvious 12 man penalty... The Raiders offered him a contract for $20 million in bird seed, but it looks like he's going to turn it down to pursue his interest in sculptures...

So... here's why you shouldn't do drugs. You may falsely accuse people of being zombies... Yea, it doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense to me either...

Here's a video of a guy buying condoms.

I don't understand why guys are so paranoid buying condoms... It's like proof that you're about to get laid. College Humor also has a "Girl Buying Condoms" video, but I don't think it's as good...

We shall close with a download. This probably isn't a band you've ever heard of, but I really dig them. They're called Automatic Loveletter, and they are similar to bands like Paramore and Hey Monday. Listen to this: it's their "Recovery EP." It's pretty sweet. I especially dig "Make-Up Smeared Eyes." It's an acoustic masterpiece. Her voice is very... unique, too. It's got that same pop punk sound, but it's... I don't know, not as clean cut as say, Hayley Williams' voice. Anyway, download and enjoy.

~Christian

Rockin' It Old School

So, for the past few days, I've been without an MP3 Player (due to a faulty chip which has rendered it completely inoperable). So, I've been sporting a 1998 walkman. No shit. Cassette tapes and all. Here's the links to download the cassettes I've been jammin': First, there's U2's 1991 album "Achtung Baby," which one of my teachers let me borrow. I really dig a couple of the songs on this album (notably "One," "Ultra Violet (Light My Way)," and "Tryin' to Throw Your Arms Around the World"). It's maybe not U2's greatest release, but it's still U2, and therefore awesome. The other tape I've been listening to is Cheap Trick's "Live at the Budokan," which I wasn't able to find a link to. So instead, here's a link to the album with the only song anyone knows by them anyway ("I Want You to Want Me") on "In Color." The live tape is pretty good, so if you ever get your hands on it, it's worth a listen.

So, when I'm on the YouTube homepage looking for cool videos to post here, a few things stick out. First, if a video's title is in all caps, like the one I'm about to show you. Also, it helps to have a few key words that draw my eye...

Honestly, I know what you're all thinking, but I'm actually more interested in the upper body strength of most of those girls. It's incredible. Particularly Jenyne Butterfly. Hardcore.

So I'm on msnbc.com, and I see a news story that says 22-inch man (guess what my initial thought was). Then there's a caption that says "I'm the world's shortest."I'm like "not at 22-inches you're not! That's world's longest, sir." But then I find out it's talking about his height. Holy shit. So, read this story.

That's all for today. I'm gonna get back on track with posting every day, hopefully. Chelsea's gone all weekend, so I won't be distracted (wink wink, nudge nudge).

~Christian

I'm Freakin' Sick

Yea. I hate being sick. And I was gonna try to tough it out, but I'm freakin' sick. So I slept all day. So forgive me if my post today isn't great. But I'm freakin' sick.

So, if you you grew up in my generation, you read "Where the Wild Things Are" at some point. And now they're making a movie. Hardcore.

Oh, yea. I'm seeing it.

Listen to this. Cuz it's pretty.

I less than 3 Hurt...

I'm sure everyone's already heard this (it's been all over the news today) but there was a big search out today for this 6-year-old boy that was thought to be inside a hot air balloon which was floating all over Colorado. But it's all good, he was inside a box in his attic the whole time... What a waste of taxpayers' money, police running all over creation looking for a kid that's actually in his own house. You'd think they would've checked the house first...

I'm done. Peace to all. Unless you're a moron, in which case I hate you...

~Christian

Advice Dog Saved My Life

I can't believe I lived so long without his wisdom...

Yea, I know it's awesome. YouTube is wonderful, isn't it?

More advice, you say? Look no further than the Philosoraptor...


This is a video by the creator of Philosoraptor that's also pretty good: The Socially Awkward Penguin.

And I'm pretty sure most of these things I've done... I don't think I've stared at my grandmother's tits though...

So, this is one of the luckiest things I've ever seen: A guy is in the middle of an embezzlement case, and he wins the lottery. He'll still see jail time.

Okat, something to download. Shinedown is arguably one of the best bands of today, and it was hard to narrow it down to one album, but "Us and Them" has some of their best work to date on it. The bottom half of the album is especialy good, with songs like "Shed Some Light," "Some Day," and "Fake." Brent Smith's voice is one of the best around, and I guara-fucking-tee you'll love this album, or your money back... Since you didn't pay, I'm able to make that statement without fear. Haha.

Anyway, that's it. It was a long one today. Mata!

~Chrisitan