Straight, No Chaser

Sometimes, it's okay to call people fucking morons. Like when they try to drive a jet ski into the back of a van with no one in the driver's seat. How much thought process did that take? How many brain cells did that guy use?...

So I'm pretty excited about some movies that are coming out soon. The first of which is Toy Story 3, which comes out Friday. Regal Cinemas in the Mall of Georgia, however, is screening it on Thursday. Since I'm down in Georgia right now, I guess I'm lucky. I'll give a review of it after I see it. The other movie I really want to see is Knight and Day. I don't really know exactly what it's about, which is exciting. I don't really know what to expect. Here's the trailer.



I also really want to see The Last Airbender. Here are my only stipulations with it: 1) M. Night Shamylan is directing. Judging from his last movie, The Happening, he's probably not gonna do so hot. 2) If they're going to condense the entire series into a 2-hour movie, then it's definitely going to suck. Here's the trailer.



Alright, one last thing before I go.

Things I Actually Like

Zuma. It's some weird game where you're a frog and you shoot colored balls. It's... weird. But it's fun as hell. Here's a link to a site where you can play it. I don't know a whole lot about it, as far as where it comes from (because it seems like it has some sort of African or South American design) or who created it, but I know it's fucking addictive.

So that's it. I'll be back tomorrow with more cool stuff!

~Christian

Quite Hypnotic

This video is from Jimmy Kimmel Live. It's the latest segment of "This Week in Unnecessary Censorship."



Next up are a couple really funny videos from Funny or Die. The first one is about Ralph Macchio, the star of the original Karate Kid.

Wax On, F*ck Off with Ralph Macchio from Ralph Macchio

That was absolutely brilliant. But the humor isn't as obvious as this next one.

White Women's Workout - watch more funny videos

No diet or exercise program works like having a black man scare the shit out of you. I only I'd capitalized on this sooner...

There's not really any weird news today, it makes me mad... So here's another Funny or Die video!

He Said It First (Uncensored) - watch more funny videos

Haha, John McCunt. Classic. Well, that will wrap it up for today. I wish I could find more stuff, but I cunt... dammit...



~Christian

Frankie Say Relax

Welcome to Ashes to Oranges. This first video is a commercial, and I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be a slam on BP... But I'm not sure.



If it is a slam on BP, then well played. If not, then I don't get it.

Here's something that I've really been enoying on another installment of Things I Actually Like. So this guy designed an online video game for fun andithas since exploded and gone viral. The game is called "Super Mario Bros. Crossover" and in it, you can play through the entire Super Mario Bros. game as Mario, Mega Man, Link, and a few other familiar faces. It's really cool, I played it for like, an hour.

I read that Wendy's has been giving away CDs in their kids' meals. First of all, I love music, but if I'm a 5-year-old, I don't care about Donna Sommers and the Jackson 5. I want a freaking toy! But here's the thing: Wendy's had to pull one of the CDs they had in circulation because of "racy lyrics." What were these racy lyrics, you ask? I was expecting a swear word or maybe something, anything explicit. No. In Donna Sommers' "Last Dance," she says "so horny." People just freak out over nothing. Anything to start drama, I guess... You can read the full article from MSNBC here.

Alright, here's another sweet video, similar to the video I showed a few days ago with the drop of water on a hydrophobic surface.



... Sand is sweet. Too bad not all sand is like this... That would be awesome.

Alright, that's all I've got. Time to play us out. This is Ashes to Oranges. And you're welcome.



~Christian

I Can Feel It in the Air Tonight

Are you fat? Have you tried everything and still can't lose weight? Well, now there's hope! Just become te world's fattest person! A New Jersey woman has tried this proven system and has gotten the results she wanted! Seriously though. I guess this chick was just like, "Well,I can't lose the weight... Fuck it, I'll become the fattest bitch this world's ever seen!" Read the article here.

That's unhealthy, by the way. Do not try that at home. Welcome. Let's watch a video of a guy who thought he was tough...



That looked like a lot of weight. Honestly, I commend him for trying. There's no way in hell I could've done it. And apparently there's no way in hell he could either.

So apparently, in Mexico, soccer > religion. What makes me say this? Because they've dressed up little Nino Dios (a statue of Jesus as a child) in a soccer uniform. Click this link and look at the picture. He's got more balls around him than a kid at Neverland Ranch... Is it bad to make a joke about baby Jesus and Michael Jackson (may he burn in peace) in the same sentence?... Ah, I don't care.

Well, I'm tired so that's it for today. See you all tomorrow. Enjoy.



~Christian

Start With Boobs, End With Lasagna

A few weeks ago, Hayley William, lead singer of Paramore, found herself in a little bit of trouble. And by trouble, I mean nude pictures of her leaked and went viral. Her response? "WTF? I got hacked!" Clearly, she didn't want people to see that pic, which begs the question: Why the hell did you take it then? Aren't pictures meant to be looked at by someone? Here's a suggestion for everyone: Don't ever take pictures of yourself naked unless you want it all over the internet. That being said, here's a link to an uncensored photo. Honestly, Hayley, this was your fault. If you didn't want us to see them, you shouldn't have snapped a nice little pic.

Welcome to Ashes to Oranges. What's with these singers lately? First Katy Perry, now Hayley Williams.

Let's start with a video from a YouTube celebrity: Mystery Guitar Man.



Isn't...that... fucking... incredible... Yea, he's pretty much the most awesome weblebrity... I might have made up that word, I don't know.

In the News

So don't you hate it when this happens to you: You're stealing things out of cars and then selling them on the street and then you end up trying to sell it to the owner? Annoying, right? That's exactly what happened to this guy, and according to police, this is his 40th arrest... Wow. Burglary is a tough charge. Tougher when you add larceny.

You gotta love drunk people. Always laughing and falling down and touching us inappropriately even after we've begged them to stop... Well here's a new one: This drunk guy broke into a bank (wait for it) to sleep. He was charged for burglary, but he didn't steal anything. So it's really just a B&E. I think the charges are a little excessive, but whatever. Here's the link for the article.

Well, that's it for today. Here's a video to play us out.



~Christian

One Night at McKyle's...

Radiohead's Thom Yorke is predicting a collapse in the music industry, to which I say "No shit." But the thing of it is that he's saying it's gonna happen in the coming months. I suppose he's got a point. The music industry is just one big shit storm, a never-ending slew of horrible ideas (XCP, DRM, signing Brokencyde), and a lot of bands have started doing stuff that is just one big middle figner to the industry. Like Nine Inch Nails and Radiohead releasing free digital albums, Switchfoot dropping their label and releasing "Hello Hurricane" independently. So here's what I suggest: everyone should just have their own record label, and just say "Fuck you, Sony BMG and Universal and all the other fuckers that have kept artists from doing what they want for the past 50 years." Okay, so that's kind of a long thing to say, so maybe just "Fuck you" will suffice. Here's the full article.

This video is from an internet show called "Cute Things... Exploding." It's an art series... Designed to demonstrate how... awesome it is when cute things explode... Shut up and watch.



Yes! It's a minute-long stream of laughter. I nearly pissed myself laughing the first time I saw this.

Here's a video that went viral not too long ago. The OMG Cat!



My God... it's full of stars...

Now here's the OMG Cat exploding!



Yea, that was totally worth the space it took up.

This next video is incredibly pointless (more or less a waste of four minutes of my life...) But there is one redeemable quality: The song is just so damn catchy... What'd you think I was gonna say?...



I watched this video with Kyle... He seems to think the "beach chair" is a metaphor for her ass and the "palm tree" is a metaphor for her YAYbies (special thanks to Myq Kaplan). I reminded him that it's rap and they don't use metaphors... Cuz they suck.

Here's a post from Craigslist's Best of. It's pretty, um... well, different to say the least... It's from a girl to her porn-watching pig boyfriend. Enjoy.

So speaking of sex and stuff, Kyle decided it would be a good idea to show me this. Apparently, he doesn't know me at all. Because this makes me think bad things. It makes me want to do bad things. I have a pain building in my chest because of this fucking website. Thanks a fucking bunch Kyle... Anyway, there's soem pretty hot stuff on there, check it out.

That wraps it up for today. Join me tomorrow for more! Enjoy the closer.



~Christian

Why Can't We Be Friends? Why Can't We Be Friends?

Hi, and welcome to Ashes to Oranges. So today is Tuesday, and that means it's time for the Face Palm of the Week. This week's spotlight is on Helen Thomas. If you've never heard her name before, she's part of the White House Press Corps. Recently, she made this statement.



Now, I'm not going to be one of the people calling her a racist, anti-Semite. I just feel she's a little misguided and maybe a tad confused or uneducated on certain topics. You see, Judaism isn't native to Germany or Poland, so I don't understand why she would send them there, as their "home." In fact, Judaism started in the Middle East, in places like Palestine (Call it whatever you want, honestly. If you like Israel, call it that. I find Palenstine a little easier to spell, personally).

Does she realize that almost all of the Jewish people in Israel were born there, or have at least spent the vast majority of their life there? Germany isn't home to those people.

In the words of Rodney King, "Why can't we all just get along?" Why can't Jews and Muslims live together in Israel/Palestine?

Do I agree with what Helen Thomas said? Absolutely not. But she has just as many rights as the rest of us. She shouldn't have been fired (or forced to resign) for speaking her mind. So face palms all around. There's a time and a place, Helen. But sorry you lost your job.

Let's move on.

Things I Actually Like

This is a video from my favorite YouTube show, "Is It a Good Ideas to Microwave This?" In this episode: Ping Pong Balls! Trust me, this is awesome.



They're like tiny orange magicians! Awesome.

This is another really cool one. It's a mercury light bulb.



... Where the hell can I buy a giant mercury light bulb? I need one.

Finally, we have them microwaving a PS3.



In the News

So a man is hiking with his girlfriend... during a thunderstorm. Bad idea number one. Unbeknownst to his girlfriend, the guy plans to propose. Bad idea number two. Lightning struck the mountain they were hiking three times. The third struck the couple. He suffered from third degree burns. She was killed. Now, I know I shouldn't make a joke, but what are the odds that this guy's ever gonna see this, right? Somebody up there knew that this guy was making a big mistake and decided to help him out. But apparently whoever decided to help made a poor judgment call... Here's the full article.

Oh my God, this one's creepy. African worms... in your eyes. Yep, new fear. Makes my eyes itch just thinking about it. There's some weird stuff out there, people. If eyes creep you out, I wouldn't recommend clicking this link. It's not that gross, just creepy...

Thast's it for today! I'll see all of you tomorrow for more stuff. Until then, here's an epic face palm from Naked Gun 33 1/3.



~Christian