I Could Make a Balls Joke, But...

Well, to be honest, I don't think that there are any more ball jokes to make after I saw this video. They've done all of them...

I could play with these balls all day. Priceless. More quality entertainment from Ashes to Oranges...

... This next story begs only one question: What is the quickest route to Tucumcari, New Mexico? Police found over $600,000 in pot after a man crashed into a snow pile... That's ridiculous. You can read the article here.

That's all today, people. See ya next time.

~Christian

It's Been One Week Since You Looked At Me...

Thought I'd post this video while it's still a cool up-and-coming thing.

You can watch it like a bunch of times and it's still pretty sweet. I guess it's gotten a lot of controversy from hardcore Christians. They say that "marriage is holy and this is a mockery of it." But I say marriage is about two people who love each other, and they should have the choice of celebrating said love in whatever fashion they choose. So suck it, hardcore Christians.

I would be seriously pissed off if this happened to me. An 86-year-old man in Peru had an infection of the foot and it would need to be amputated. Sucks right? It gets worse. It always does at Ashes to Oranges. Surgery goes fine, but when he wakes up and lifts up the sheets... they amputated the wrong goddamn foot... And the infection is still spreading. So what other choice does he have but chop the other foot off? Sucks. Here's the article.

And that's it for tonight. I'll leave you in the hands of Foamy the Squirrel.


~Christian

So I Herd U Liek Mudkipz??

I has come to my attention that many people do not know of the glory of the Mudkip... which is surprising, since it has gotten almost as infamous as the Rickroll... So, let me enlighten you. With a little thing we like to call "The Copypasta." This has not been altered in any way.

Today being Halloween, I decided to fuck with the major retard at school when I came out of science for break. He was dressed as Ash. Knowing this was going to happen, I brough a Mudkips doll. Thus I started the conversation, making sure no one saw me.

"So I heard you like Mudkips..." "Mudkips? I LUUUUUUUUUUUUVE MUDKIPS." "O RLY? So, would you ever fuck a Mudkips, that is.." (he cuts me off before I could said 'if you were a mudkips') "OF COURSE." "Well I just happen to have a Mudkips here, and."

Before I finished the sentence, which would have resulted in me hitting him across the face with the doll, he grabbed it. In one swift motion his pants were down and he was violenly humping it. Not to get between a man and his Mudkips I started to walk away, because there is no way I'd be caught wrestling a half-naked crazy guy humping a Mudkips.

Needles to say, within 5 to 10 seconds, some girls saw him and started screaming. I cooly walked into a restroom, pretending nothing had ever happened; not that I had intended that outcome, but now that it was in play I didn't want to be involved.

I came back two minutes later, and like any wanton act on school grounds there was now a huge crowd round him. He was still fucking it and baying this real fucked up 'EEEEEEEEEEINNNNF EEEEEEEEEEINNNF' sound. Suddenly a scuffle broke out in the middle, meaning he probably did something stupid.

I asked someone what had happened. A girlfriend of one of the football players tried to get him to stop, but he bit her for trying to take it away. Someone called in a few football players (all dressed up like Road Warrior) who proceeded to pummel the shit out of the guy. Meanwhile the school police were freaking out and having trouble getting in to the situation.

A few minutes later the intruder alarm went off and we were shuffled into classrooms. Over the intercom the principal announced that someone had thrown a flaming plush toy into the library. Uh.. what the hell.

So we were kept there and about 30 minutes later the principal came on again. This time he was saying that whoever was behind the beating should turn themselves in. All of a sudden this woman began yelling "I WILL SUE YOU FOR DAMAGES. YOU LITTLE PUNKS, I'M GONNA SUE..." and it was cut off.

I asked an office later what had happened. Apparently his mother had come to pick him up and threatened to sue for the beating and 'whatever else happened.' The school threatened to counter-sue because of lewd conduct, inciting a riot, and starting a fight.

So I ask you: do you like Mudkips?

Watch this video (the original Kip Roll), to better help you understand the Mudkip phenomenon.

Yea. For 9 and a half minutes... Isn't it great?

Okay, let's move away from Mudkip now. And on to Family Guy. This is from an older episode, so I'm sure you've all seen it at some point, but it's still freakin' hilarious.

There are a ton of songs named after girls. He didn't name Emily, Janine, Amber, Kelsey, Trinity, Chelsea, Nancy the Tavern Wench, Jane Doe, Sarah Wynn, Aurora, Emma, Stella, Jasey Rae, Holly, Lucy, Gracie, Adelaide, Kylie from Connecticut, Layne, Helena, Cath..., Donna, Beth... Well, I think you get the idea...

Haha, that's it for today, kiddies!

~Christian

Christ TV

I found a video of a prank call on a British channel called Christ TV. And then I found a bunch. Let's run through some of these, shall we?

This first video is kind of difficult to hear, but trust me, it's freaking worth it. I guess this was some kind of Christian television show where the host would read emails of viewers. The two in this video are priceless.

I'm pretty sure that when he reads the "response to the previous email," it says something along the lines of "that email bears a striking resemblance to Star Wars." At which point he's like "Frick!"

I like this one, too. You'll catch it immediately.

God is a lot like Rick Astley... That's a bold statement...

This one had me rolling. And not rickrolling like the last one. It's just so flawless in its transition...


I'm sure there are plenty more out there somewhere, but that's all I got for today. Just remember that God is never gonna give you up, and he'll never let you down. He won't run around or desert you.

~Christian

It's Sad, But I Can't Stop Laughing

A friend just showed me this... It's... no, I can't describe what this is...

Yea...

So you're driving down the road late at night on the busiest road in the city. You look up at a billboard, and on it is a 2-minute clip of a porn video. What do you do?
A) Gasp in shock, cover the children's eyes
B) Laugh until you realize that's your wife and some other guy.
C) Take pictures and laugh and have a good ol' time.
Well, if you live in Moscow, the answer would probably be D) All of the above. Cuz that's what happened in downtown Moscow the other day. Read the article here.

Well, I guess that's it for today. Tune in next time!

~Christian

This is What Happens When You Eat the Heads of Bats

My brother just showed me this video. It's pretty good. It shows us the details of Ozzy kicking Zakk Wylde out of Ozzy's band.

Yea, it lacks decent audio quality, but it makes me smile. "I don't want to sound like Black Label Society, I want to sound like My Chemical Romance."

Do you enjoy stories that make you scratch your head in confusion? If so, read this. If not, what are you doing on my blog?... Anyway, this guy walks into a FedEx store and hands a note to the guy working. It reads "This is a robbery. I'll wait outside for the police. Sorry." He then proceeded to walk outside the store and wait for the authorities... The man did not carry a weapon. The man did not commit a crime. He was, however, arrested. For initiating a false report. That's fucking stupid, really. I mean, the FedEx guy is the one who should be reprimanded. The guy told him he would wait outside for the police for Christ's sake. But the "robber" in question "initiated" it. I think they should just be like, "Dude, go home. Stop pretending to be a criminal."

By the way, speaking of criminals, I watched "Law Abiding Citizen" last night with Chelsea. It was kick ass. Though I'm not 100% sure I liked the character development. The plot was great, though. The suspense was killer (get it?) and the cinematography (especially the final scene) was fantastic. I loved the last scene. Great movie, coming out on DVD soon. Check it out.

That's it for tonight, people.

~Christian

She's Got Me Spendin'...

Two days ago, ImprovEverywhere held their 9th Annual "No Pants Subway Ride." While they have yet to upload a video of that particular outing, please enjoy the past two years.

Some of the people aren't even surprised. My favorite reaction is the guy at 1:26.

Haha, there's like a bunch of little kids in that one, and those parents must be like "Well, we knew that when we moved to New York it was gonna be like this..."

One last thing. This is for anybody that thinks maybe there's no hope left for society. A cab driver in New York City drove 50 miles to return a purse someone had left in his cab. The owner was a woman named Felicia Lettieri. In the purse was travel money for Felicia and her six relatives, which ran to the tune of about $21,000. The cabbie found an address in the purse and drove to Long Island. Nobody was home. He left a note and his number. On top of all that, he refused a reward. Damn good man. I mean, sure, I would've returned the money, but I think I'd have wanted a reward of some kind... You can read that article here.

And thus, another episode of Ashes to Oranges comes to a close. Sorry you didn't get to see me eat a live shark. The pet store was all out.

~Christian

When the Hell Did You Get Here?!

I saw this video today. there's no reason for this invention...

Yep. That's all it freakin' does. You click "on" and it turns itself off... Brilliant...

Have you ever been fast asleep and snuggled a little closer to the person on the other side of the bed and then suddenly realize... That person wasn't there before... Apparently, that's what happened to this woman. Just wakes up and is like "Oh, there's some guy in my bed... WTF?!" Yep, so be careful when you sleep, ladies and gentlemen. Make sure all doors and windows are securely fastened.

That's it for today. Join us next time when I eat a live shark! (Subject to change).

~Christian

That's What She Said

Steve Carell won People's Choice for "Best TV Comedy Actor." This was the best speech ever. (Even better than Mariah Carrey's. Ha!)


This video is why I love the news... some times.


That's it for today. See you tomorrow!

From a Queen to a Diva

So, Mariah Carey is a weirdo. A really good-looking weirdo, but a weirdo nonetheless. We all know this. Which makes this clip kind of... unsurprising.

Mariah: You'll have to forgive me, I'm a little bit...
Eminem: Fucked up!
Mariah: ... Yea.
Classic.

Hey, have I mentioned how terrible the weather outside is? Coming home from Sinclair, I was skidding (I was sliding all over the road the whole time I was driving today, but I digress). My car slid 360 degrees. I turned in a freaking circle with a big-ass dump truck behind me. Scary as hell.

Are you snowed in? Join the club. Why not get on an extra-marital dating site. That's right, boys and girls. Adultery! What better way is there to spend your chilly afternoon than snuggling down with someone that's not your spouse? That's apparently what people in Great Britain have been doing lately, as more than 2,500 people from Hampshire and Berkshire and such log on to get off. Why? Who cares? The web site is making money. Here's the article.

And for now, I shall say adieu... Adieu.

~Christian

I Hate Dayton

Okay, maybe I don't hate it, but the parking situation sucks right now. Every lot was full around campus, so I had to park six blocks away (in a Catholic School parking lot, which is probably not allowed) then walk the rest of the way in the cold. I missed my first class. But enough of my whining. Here's a great video I watched last night.

Ah, Ricky Gervais. So funny.

Here's an epic win video.

My bike style crushes your mantis style!

I love this story. Happened a few days ago. A guy opted to go to jail instead of spending New Year's Eve with his family. He stole some stuff from a convenience store, conveniently next door to the police station (get it?). It's a strange world we live in...

That's all for today. More tomorrow!

~Christian

Etc., Etc., Etc.

This is kind of a cool thing I found on YouTube. There are 5 scientific phenomena happening at the same time: A sun halo (the ring of light around the sun), 2 sun dogs (the beams of light coming from the halo), a circumzenithal arc (the upside-down rainbow), and the bright spot at the top of the halo. Pretty sweet.

I don't know about you, but I think it's kind of cool. I'd love to see it in person...

Okay, here's a cool story. Twin boys. One is born before just midnight on December 31. The other, however, wasn't born until a few hours later. After midnight. So yes, they were technically born on different days. Yes, they were also technically born in different years. But the real ringer here is that they were also technically born in different decades. There's one to tell the kids at school!

I'm done for today. Things to do, places to go. See ya!

~Christian

Mistakes, Glories & How They Get That Way

I love getting on YouTube and finding random videos by not-famous users. Virals are great, and companies like College Humor are good too, but where else but an indie are you gonna find Super Mario Jesus?

Abstinence only! Classic.

Alright, so I was flipping through YouTube when I found this video (I didn't mean for this entry to only have Jesus videos, but whatever...).

Pretty funny. But here's my dilemma: I can't tell if he's praising God, or mocking him... At first, it seems like he's all for God, and the guy in that video is wrong. But then he confuses me around the point where the guy says "I thought you were all-merciful and all-forgiving. Then it's all downhill from there... Someone let me know what you think...

A-ba-dee-ba-dee-a that's all folks... I think that was a pretty good Porky Pig...

~Christian