His legend procedes him, the way lightning precedes thunder. He is... the most interesting man in the world.
That's one of my favorite things these days... The most interesting man in the world. Someone needs to make a movie...
So Arcade Fire just released their third album. And I found this weird cartoon thing about it...
Here's a video of the greatest string quintet ever... ish.
"I said turn off your cell phone, asshole!"
This next video is, by all meanings of the phrase, freakin' awesome.
Alright, so by my knowledge (which albeit isn't much) that instrument is called the shamisen (and the genre is Tsugaru-jamisen). It originated in Japan in the 16th century. It's still used frequently today. Name one other instrument like that. Freakin' sweet.
Okay, I've had enough stuff for one day. See, you only have to go through the stuff I liked. I have to go through a lot of crap to find these gems... And sometimes I post some of the crap when it makes me go "WTF?!" So here's our chaser this week. You've been reading Ashes to Oranges. You're welcome.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
One Never Mentions Fight Club
Alright, a few updates. First, I've started a second blog, which will hopefully be of interest to a lot of people. It's called Exie Records and it's awesome. It's different from this one. But it's good.
That's one of my favorite commercials right now. Where does one acquire a miniature giraffe?... I want one. (Gift ideas... only 5 more months...)
In this next video, you will see a news anchor giving a reporter the finger... But I don't speak Russian, so his reasons are unclear.
According to YouTube user soadfannumeroone, in Soviet Russia, "news gives you the finger." Couldn't have said it better myself.
In the News
Little Red Riding Hood finally makes sense. I always wondered why the wolf was so interested in that basket of goodies. Now I know. The "goodies" were actually six pounds of pot... A package addressed to "Grandma Henderson" singled out by drug dogs at a post office in Talladega, Alabama. When three guys came to pick it up, they were arrested and police found, you guessed it, six pounds of pot in the package... Criminals are morons. What happened to the days where you just drove your drugs to wherever they needed to go? Traffickers are just lazy these days... Here's the article.
And now, one of the weirdest videos in the history of YouTube... ish.
This video is still making me laugh.
But that's all for today. I'll leave you with this: The single greatest thing I've ever seen... including the first time I had sex...
The world needs this movie. More than it needs world peace... or universal health care... Search your feelings, you know it to be true...
~Christian
That's one of my favorite commercials right now. Where does one acquire a miniature giraffe?... I want one. (Gift ideas... only 5 more months...)
In this next video, you will see a news anchor giving a reporter the finger... But I don't speak Russian, so his reasons are unclear.
According to YouTube user soadfannumeroone, in Soviet Russia, "news gives you the finger." Couldn't have said it better myself.
In the News
Little Red Riding Hood finally makes sense. I always wondered why the wolf was so interested in that basket of goodies. Now I know. The "goodies" were actually six pounds of pot... A package addressed to "Grandma Henderson" singled out by drug dogs at a post office in Talladega, Alabama. When three guys came to pick it up, they were arrested and police found, you guessed it, six pounds of pot in the package... Criminals are morons. What happened to the days where you just drove your drugs to wherever they needed to go? Traffickers are just lazy these days... Here's the article.
And now, one of the weirdest videos in the history of YouTube... ish.
This video is still making me laugh.
But that's all for today. I'll leave you with this: The single greatest thing I've ever seen... including the first time I had sex...
The world needs this movie. More than it needs world peace... or universal health care... Search your feelings, you know it to be true...
~Christian
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Oh Noes! The Cyber Police!
Welcome to A2O. You just listened to Mel Gibson being... well, being Mel Gibson. I know it's old news, but I don't care. This next video is pretty old, but it's great. It's Jim Carrey accepting an award for Liar, Liar.
Oh, Jim. You and your antics.
This next video is a commercial for Nike and Dick's Sporting Goods. I don't know anything about football, but this is still kind of funny.
Okay so I guess the newest internet chick is some girl named Jessi Slaughter... And I also guess that people have been sending her hate mail. And now she's sad.
I have a question: Why the fuck should we care? First, there will always be haters. Of everything. Second, you put your life in public, you're going to attract haters. So quit fucking crying. Brat... If you didn't hate her in that video, try this one. You have to try really hard to not hate her after this one. It was shot shortly before the first video I showed you.
Okay, I'm done. I'll leave you with this lightning video. As you watch, ponder the age old question: Is this real or fake?
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Comididans... Comedidians... You Know What I'm Talkin' About
Steve Carell is hilrious. Easily one of the funniest people on television. You know who else is fuckin' funny? Lewis Black.
I guess today is just gonna be a bunch of comedians. Cuz that's all I want to put up. Haha. Here's Christopher Titus.
Okay, that's it for this week. Join me next time for more fun times!
~Christian
Thursday, July 8, 2010
From Torchdown Jesus to Playboy Jesus
First off, yes. It has in fact been a week since my last post. That's because during the months of July and August, posts will only occur once a week, every Thursday. Why? Cuz this is my blog, and I decide the scheduling... But fear not, posts will be longer to make up for the other six days.
Face Palm of the Week (And Quite Possibly All the Other Weeks, Too)
Lindsey Lohan violated the terms of her probation because she's a stupid fucking bitch. So the court system gave her 90 days in prison, followed by 90 days in a rehab facility. Her response to this sentence?
She fucking cries. Like 3 months in prison because she's a cokehead alcoholic bitch is unfair. You can see her mouthing "Is she serious?" when the judge gives the sentence. I'm like "Yea, she's serious, you spoiled little brat. Suck it up and move on. You deserve more jail time than that, honestly." God, she just pisses me off. Why are so many fucking celebrities like this? If you don't want to go to prison... DON'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING ILLEGAL! It's that fucking simple. Just obey the law. And then she's trying to make it out like she's a good person. Your trip to Morocco may have been work, but let's be honest. Being a rock star is also techincally work, but they get a lot of pleasure out of it too. So it wasn't just for work, hun. Sorry you're a washed up junkie that the world has thrown away. Go drown in a bottle of scotch. You fucking crybaby.
Alright, now that that's out of the way, let's watch some videos!
Here's a fail video of a wedding photographer who, apparently, doesn't feel the need to watch where he's going.
... I hope they got a liquidation discount on those pictures... What? That was funny!
Here's something I'm really excited about, and honestly, it makes me want to buy a TomTom.
Yea, that video is pretty much the coolest thing ever. Seriously though, you can actually get Star Wars voices for your TomTom and now I want a TomTom. "Wrong turn you have made... to the Dark side."
In the News
Here's a new one. A guy is so pissed at his wife, he drives his SUV through their front door... Here's Johnny... But yea, that's a true story. Good thing the kids weren't standing right there. I'm pretty sure it's still vehicular manslaughter even if you're in the living room. Looks like he was pretty wasted, which begs the question: Why the hell did they let the bastard drive home?... With precious cargo onboard?... The article can be read here.
Alright, this story is... Morbidly funny. Watch the video, I'll add my comments in a second.
A lot of people are saying she wasn't doing anything wrong and how the police should leave her alone, but honestly, what she did could be considered abuse of a corpse. I mean, she doesn't seem like a whackjob. She sounded perfectly sane... She's just living with and talking to her dead twin and dead husband... God, I bet the sex is really boring...
In other news, Playboy in Portrugal have crossed the line. They put Jesus Christ on the cover with a nude model, as well as an entire photo shoot involving Christ and lesbian models. Hugh Hefner's headquarters is said to be outraged. Who wouldn't be? There's some things you just don't do. Putting Jesus in Playboy is one of them. That's fucked up. You can read the article and see the (censored) cover here. If, however, you wish to see the uncensored cover, well, that's... elsewhere...
Well, that ought to do it. But before I forget, has everyone heard Disturbed's new single? It's called "Another Way to Die," and it's on the album Asylum, which comes out August 31. I'm pretty excited. It reminds me of older Disturbed, like "Vocies" meets "Prayer," you know? Anyway, there's no actualy video to this video, it's pretty much just an animation of this castle (or perhaps, an asylum?...) with fire. But it's pretty cool for only being that. Anyway, check it out.
Okay, that's all I got. Tune in next week for more awesome shit that's also pretty cool... Stay classy, San Francisco.
~Christian
Face Palm of the Week (And Quite Possibly All the Other Weeks, Too)
Lindsey Lohan violated the terms of her probation because she's a stupid fucking bitch. So the court system gave her 90 days in prison, followed by 90 days in a rehab facility. Her response to this sentence?
She fucking cries. Like 3 months in prison because she's a cokehead alcoholic bitch is unfair. You can see her mouthing "Is she serious?" when the judge gives the sentence. I'm like "Yea, she's serious, you spoiled little brat. Suck it up and move on. You deserve more jail time than that, honestly." God, she just pisses me off. Why are so many fucking celebrities like this? If you don't want to go to prison... DON'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING ILLEGAL! It's that fucking simple. Just obey the law. And then she's trying to make it out like she's a good person. Your trip to Morocco may have been work, but let's be honest. Being a rock star is also techincally work, but they get a lot of pleasure out of it too. So it wasn't just for work, hun. Sorry you're a washed up junkie that the world has thrown away. Go drown in a bottle of scotch. You fucking crybaby.
Alright, now that that's out of the way, let's watch some videos!
Here's a fail video of a wedding photographer who, apparently, doesn't feel the need to watch where he's going.
... I hope they got a liquidation discount on those pictures... What? That was funny!
Here's something I'm really excited about, and honestly, it makes me want to buy a TomTom.
Yea, that video is pretty much the coolest thing ever. Seriously though, you can actually get Star Wars voices for your TomTom and now I want a TomTom. "Wrong turn you have made... to the Dark side."
In the News
Here's a new one. A guy is so pissed at his wife, he drives his SUV through their front door... Here's Johnny... But yea, that's a true story. Good thing the kids weren't standing right there. I'm pretty sure it's still vehicular manslaughter even if you're in the living room. Looks like he was pretty wasted, which begs the question: Why the hell did they let the bastard drive home?... With precious cargo onboard?... The article can be read here.
Alright, this story is... Morbidly funny. Watch the video, I'll add my comments in a second.
A lot of people are saying she wasn't doing anything wrong and how the police should leave her alone, but honestly, what she did could be considered abuse of a corpse. I mean, she doesn't seem like a whackjob. She sounded perfectly sane... She's just living with and talking to her dead twin and dead husband... God, I bet the sex is really boring...
In other news, Playboy in Portrugal have crossed the line. They put Jesus Christ on the cover with a nude model, as well as an entire photo shoot involving Christ and lesbian models. Hugh Hefner's headquarters is said to be outraged. Who wouldn't be? There's some things you just don't do. Putting Jesus in Playboy is one of them. That's fucked up. You can read the article and see the (censored) cover here. If, however, you wish to see the uncensored cover, well, that's... elsewhere...
Well, that ought to do it. But before I forget, has everyone heard Disturbed's new single? It's called "Another Way to Die," and it's on the album Asylum, which comes out August 31. I'm pretty excited. It reminds me of older Disturbed, like "Vocies" meets "Prayer," you know? Anyway, there's no actualy video to this video, it's pretty much just an animation of this castle (or perhaps, an asylum?...) with fire. But it's pretty cool for only being that. Anyway, check it out.
Okay, that's all I got. Tune in next week for more awesome shit that's also pretty cool... Stay classy, San Francisco.
~Christian
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Nice Day for a White Wedding
I'm sure by this point in our blog relationship, you're well aware that I like it when random stuff is played on a random instrument. Well, I found another one. Here's Super Mario played on the violin, with gaming accompaniment.
That's pretty sweet. That takes talent... and a lack of getting laid...
Is it just me, or do they make a sequel to every crappy movie and its brother? It's like a bunch of douchebags sit around and say "Hey, we made 37 dollars off this movie last year. Why don't we make a sequel? I'd bet we make at least $10... Fuckin' stupid movie execs. But the latest shitty sequel is Paranormal Activity 2. Maybe I don't understand the obssession with having the shit scared out of me, I don't know. But they're making one. And it will be stupid. There's no getting around it. Plus, wasn't Paranormal Activity supposedly real home videos, or some shit? Doesn't a swequel kind of kill that theory? I don't know, but here's the trailer. Bullshit...
Oh by the way, if you're alone in a dark house, that's probably not a great video to watch... I'm scared to open my door... Nah, I'm just fuckin' with you.
This next video is... I don't know what the fuck this next video is. I--no, you just have to watch it. I'll talk later.
Okay, so for starters, she naked. And walking backwards and shit. And what's wrong with her eyes? And also, I'm not even sure she was a real person. She almost seemed like CGI. And not even CGI of a human being, but rather CGI of some sort of intergalactic creature. And I don't think she was singing in English. I couldn't make out any of it... That was just... odd.
Yea, there's always a few videos like that, ones that I absolutely cannot understand. I feel like someone needs to share in my utter confusion...
Hey, did anyone else see where Stephen Colbert tried out for the Knicks? I found the episode in 60 seconds. He plays one-on-one with Allan Houston. He spotted Stephen 9 points. And Stephen beat him... thanks to video editing!
Well, that's it. I leave you with an epic fail montage. You're welcome.
~Christian
That's pretty sweet. That takes talent... and a lack of getting laid...
Is it just me, or do they make a sequel to every crappy movie and its brother? It's like a bunch of douchebags sit around and say "Hey, we made 37 dollars off this movie last year. Why don't we make a sequel? I'd bet we make at least $10... Fuckin' stupid movie execs. But the latest shitty sequel is Paranormal Activity 2. Maybe I don't understand the obssession with having the shit scared out of me, I don't know. But they're making one. And it will be stupid. There's no getting around it. Plus, wasn't Paranormal Activity supposedly real home videos, or some shit? Doesn't a swequel kind of kill that theory? I don't know, but here's the trailer. Bullshit...
Oh by the way, if you're alone in a dark house, that's probably not a great video to watch... I'm scared to open my door... Nah, I'm just fuckin' with you.
This next video is... I don't know what the fuck this next video is. I--no, you just have to watch it. I'll talk later.
Okay, so for starters, she naked. And walking backwards and shit. And what's wrong with her eyes? And also, I'm not even sure she was a real person. She almost seemed like CGI. And not even CGI of a human being, but rather CGI of some sort of intergalactic creature. And I don't think she was singing in English. I couldn't make out any of it... That was just... odd.
Yea, there's always a few videos like that, ones that I absolutely cannot understand. I feel like someone needs to share in my utter confusion...
Hey, did anyone else see where Stephen Colbert tried out for the Knicks? I found the episode in 60 seconds. He plays one-on-one with Allan Houston. He spotted Stephen 9 points. And Stephen beat him... thanks to video editing!
| The Colbert Report | Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| 6/30/10 in :60 Seconds | ||||
| ||||
Well, that's it. I leave you with an epic fail montage. You're welcome.
~Christian
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Nothing Like Slamming a Silver Bullet Into a Well-Greased Chamber... If You Know What I Mean
I'm sure everyone has seen this Internet Explorer commercial, but if you haven't here it is.
I was just thinking about it in a new light, and that light is this: Are you telling me that all I have to do to scam people out of their money is to just not do it on the internet? That's what I learned. Not that I should upgrade my browser, but that 1) People are idiots and will do anything for quick cash, and 2) We've become so used to internet scams that we've forgotten that real life scams exist... Unbelievable.
You know what else is unbelievable? It's getting to be where we can't do anything on our own property anymore. You remember like a year ago, when I posted that news video of the guy who was in his house naked, and some people sued him? Consider this story a sequel. There's a guy in western Pennsylvania who is being fine $600. For what, you ask? For keeping hundreds of bags of garbage on his property. The trash isn't on anyone else's property, only his. He says it's like fertilizer for the 350 kinds of medicinal herbs and vegetables he grows. At this point, you're saying "It's still garbage! It still reeks!" Nope. Cuz the bags are filled with leaves. Apparently, it keeps the soil insulated. I don't know, I don't grow anything. But it seems logical. It's like compost. And for you, Mr. Zeller, I say fuck the district judge. It's your property, do whatever the fuck you want on it. Anyone who complains can answer to me. And by "answer to," I mean "suck." And by "me," I mean "my dick." The article is here, if you want to read more.
Alright, let's see what comedian I'm into today... And the winner is: Jimmy Carr! Congrats, Jimmy! You've made it onto A2O. That's kind of like an achievement, only not at all like it... whatsoever... Anyway, let's see Jimmy do some stand-up.
Yea, he's like the one-liner king. Dimitri Martin is good at one-liners, too. I don't know, I think we'll call it a tie.
Well, computer's acting up. Think that's my cue. Checking up on some jobs tomorrow (wish me luck), and then it's off to Kentucky for the weekend... Which means we may not see another new post until Monday. But we'll see how it all plays out. Good night, everyone, and as always, you're welcome.
~Christian
I was just thinking about it in a new light, and that light is this: Are you telling me that all I have to do to scam people out of their money is to just not do it on the internet? That's what I learned. Not that I should upgrade my browser, but that 1) People are idiots and will do anything for quick cash, and 2) We've become so used to internet scams that we've forgotten that real life scams exist... Unbelievable.
You know what else is unbelievable? It's getting to be where we can't do anything on our own property anymore. You remember like a year ago, when I posted that news video of the guy who was in his house naked, and some people sued him? Consider this story a sequel. There's a guy in western Pennsylvania who is being fine $600. For what, you ask? For keeping hundreds of bags of garbage on his property. The trash isn't on anyone else's property, only his. He says it's like fertilizer for the 350 kinds of medicinal herbs and vegetables he grows. At this point, you're saying "It's still garbage! It still reeks!" Nope. Cuz the bags are filled with leaves. Apparently, it keeps the soil insulated. I don't know, I don't grow anything. But it seems logical. It's like compost. And for you, Mr. Zeller, I say fuck the district judge. It's your property, do whatever the fuck you want on it. Anyone who complains can answer to me. And by "answer to," I mean "suck." And by "me," I mean "my dick." The article is here, if you want to read more.
Alright, let's see what comedian I'm into today... And the winner is: Jimmy Carr! Congrats, Jimmy! You've made it onto A2O. That's kind of like an achievement, only not at all like it... whatsoever... Anyway, let's see Jimmy do some stand-up.
Yea, he's like the one-liner king. Dimitri Martin is good at one-liners, too. I don't know, I think we'll call it a tie.
Well, computer's acting up. Think that's my cue. Checking up on some jobs tomorrow (wish me luck), and then it's off to Kentucky for the weekend... Which means we may not see another new post until Monday. But we'll see how it all plays out. Good night, everyone, and as always, you're welcome.
~Christian
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