Stuffy Stuff for Bettering... Stuff

So I've heard a lot of stories about stupid criminals. About criminals making messes and what-not. But it's always funny when a thief cleans up. This guy stole $300 worth of equipment from a scouting trailer, and left it cleaner than when he got there... The weird thing really is what he stole: toilet paper, paper towels, a First Aid kit... I think it was an inside job... Here's the full article.

So with the World Cup underway, it's time that us Americans start pretending we know shit about soccer. So here's a soccer video.



That was an awesome save. This video is fake, but they did an excellent job.

This one is a video that, if it hasn't already, is sure to go viral. Came out about a month ago. It's Kumo, the kung-fu bear!



God, as if bears weren't dangerous enough, now they've learned kung-fucking-fu! How could this be any worse?!



Dios mios, no!

Ever have something stolen that you thought you'd never see again? Never give up hope, because apparently, stolen things can still be recovered years later. This guy had his prized truck stolen in 1972. They recovered it on Tuesday. Unfortunately, no charges can be filed, but honestly, after 38 years, I wouldn't give a fuck, especially after getting it back. The full article can be read here.

Well, that's it or today. Here's an older video to play us out.



~Christian

Everybody Loves People Falling

Wanna hear a big fish story? This guy from Colorado is in a fishing tourney in Alaska. First, does everyone know what a halibut is? If you're too lazy to click the link, it's a fish that averages abou 25 pounds. Impressive. This guy in Alaska caught a fucking 337 pound halibut. Now, if you clicked the link, you'd know that the record is 470 pounds, but still. This is cool, right? Whatever, here's the article.

Welcome. Hopefully I'll show you some pretty cool stuff tonight. If not, well, there's always tomorrow. Let's get started. But before we do, I have an important announcement: I beat Daniel Tosh! I'm gonna sound like a total dork, but I wanted to put a video on this blog before Tosh.0 had it, and I finally did it! Remember that video of the wedding DJ slapping that chick's boobs around? Watch the new Tosh.0, they're just now playing it. I beat him by a couple days, anyway.

Anyway, let's watch some videos. This first video is a lot like a classic. Because it's a montage of people falling. And who doesn't like to watch people fall?



This next video you probably won't understand a word of (unless you're fluent in Korean), but fear not: there are sutitles! It's an speaking lesson for Korean people learning English.



Here's a story that will make you lose a little bit of faith in the world. So this lady takes a cab ride to the airport. The total comes to $33. She doesn't tip. First, you should always tip cabbies and waiters/waitresses, and this lady should've tipped. And all the cabbie asked for was 10%. But here's where things head south. The cabbie locked her in his cab for half an hour, demanding that she pay the tip. The tip would only be three fucking bucks... There's no sanity in this world... You can read the full article here.

Well, that's it for now. Hope everyone enjoyed it. Here's something cute.



~Christian

And God Said Unto the People: "What the Fuck?"

Face Palm of the Week/Jesus Does Not Approve

So I'm sure that over the 6 years that it's existed, we've all come to know the giant Jesus statue on I-75. Well, Jesus does not approve. Apparently, last night at like, 11, it was struck by lightning and it went up in flames. For six yars, I've said that Jesus would not want the quarter million it took to build it to be spent on something as stupid as a giant fucking statue, rather the money should've gone to some kind of charity. Apparently, God agrees with me. The fire damage is going to cost the church 3 times the amount it took to build the god-awful (see what I did there?) monstrosity, about $700,000.

Maybe the fuckers who decided to build it learned a lesson. And I think one look at this photo could make anyone see the evils of flaunting wealth. I know that every time I drive by it now, I'm just going to laugh.

I mean, why would anyone need a 62-foot Jesus? It's absolutely ridiculous...

And that's the Face Palm of the Week.

In the News

Alright, this first story is quite possibly the weirdest story I've ever read in the history of this blog. The first sentence made me so confused: "A German student created a traffic jam in Bavaria after making a rude gesture at a group of Hells Angels motorcycle gang members, hurling a puppy at them and then escaping on a stolen bulldozer." Yea, this shit happened. He caused a 3-mile long traffic jam, then drove away in his stolen bulldozer. Then he went home. That's the stupdest place you can go when the cops are looking for you... WTF? Here's the full article, but you can't make this shit up.

Okay, here's another weird one for you... in video form.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

A goat... in the trunk. That's a new one.

Alright, let's watch some videos.



There's not a lot to say about that video, actually...

This one is a video from a guy who just wanted to make a parody video. This desire resulted in the police being called...



Yea, it's a hell of a crazy world out there. Anyway, that's it for now. I'll be back tomorrow. Have a good one.



~Christian

Straight, No Chaser

Sometimes, it's okay to call people fucking morons. Like when they try to drive a jet ski into the back of a van with no one in the driver's seat. How much thought process did that take? How many brain cells did that guy use?...

So I'm pretty excited about some movies that are coming out soon. The first of which is Toy Story 3, which comes out Friday. Regal Cinemas in the Mall of Georgia, however, is screening it on Thursday. Since I'm down in Georgia right now, I guess I'm lucky. I'll give a review of it after I see it. The other movie I really want to see is Knight and Day. I don't really know exactly what it's about, which is exciting. I don't really know what to expect. Here's the trailer.



I also really want to see The Last Airbender. Here are my only stipulations with it: 1) M. Night Shamylan is directing. Judging from his last movie, The Happening, he's probably not gonna do so hot. 2) If they're going to condense the entire series into a 2-hour movie, then it's definitely going to suck. Here's the trailer.



Alright, one last thing before I go.

Things I Actually Like

Zuma. It's some weird game where you're a frog and you shoot colored balls. It's... weird. But it's fun as hell. Here's a link to a site where you can play it. I don't know a whole lot about it, as far as where it comes from (because it seems like it has some sort of African or South American design) or who created it, but I know it's fucking addictive.

So that's it. I'll be back tomorrow with more cool stuff!

~Christian

Quite Hypnotic

This video is from Jimmy Kimmel Live. It's the latest segment of "This Week in Unnecessary Censorship."



Next up are a couple really funny videos from Funny or Die. The first one is about Ralph Macchio, the star of the original Karate Kid.

Wax On, F*ck Off with Ralph Macchio from Ralph Macchio

That was absolutely brilliant. But the humor isn't as obvious as this next one.

White Women's Workout - watch more funny videos

No diet or exercise program works like having a black man scare the shit out of you. I only I'd capitalized on this sooner...

There's not really any weird news today, it makes me mad... So here's another Funny or Die video!

He Said It First (Uncensored) - watch more funny videos

Haha, John McCunt. Classic. Well, that will wrap it up for today. I wish I could find more stuff, but I cunt... dammit...



~Christian

Frankie Say Relax

Welcome to Ashes to Oranges. This first video is a commercial, and I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be a slam on BP... But I'm not sure.



If it is a slam on BP, then well played. If not, then I don't get it.

Here's something that I've really been enoying on another installment of Things I Actually Like. So this guy designed an online video game for fun andithas since exploded and gone viral. The game is called "Super Mario Bros. Crossover" and in it, you can play through the entire Super Mario Bros. game as Mario, Mega Man, Link, and a few other familiar faces. It's really cool, I played it for like, an hour.

I read that Wendy's has been giving away CDs in their kids' meals. First of all, I love music, but if I'm a 5-year-old, I don't care about Donna Sommers and the Jackson 5. I want a freaking toy! But here's the thing: Wendy's had to pull one of the CDs they had in circulation because of "racy lyrics." What were these racy lyrics, you ask? I was expecting a swear word or maybe something, anything explicit. No. In Donna Sommers' "Last Dance," she says "so horny." People just freak out over nothing. Anything to start drama, I guess... You can read the full article from MSNBC here.

Alright, here's another sweet video, similar to the video I showed a few days ago with the drop of water on a hydrophobic surface.



... Sand is sweet. Too bad not all sand is like this... That would be awesome.

Alright, that's all I've got. Time to play us out. This is Ashes to Oranges. And you're welcome.



~Christian

I Can Feel It in the Air Tonight

Are you fat? Have you tried everything and still can't lose weight? Well, now there's hope! Just become te world's fattest person! A New Jersey woman has tried this proven system and has gotten the results she wanted! Seriously though. I guess this chick was just like, "Well,I can't lose the weight... Fuck it, I'll become the fattest bitch this world's ever seen!" Read the article here.

That's unhealthy, by the way. Do not try that at home. Welcome. Let's watch a video of a guy who thought he was tough...



That looked like a lot of weight. Honestly, I commend him for trying. There's no way in hell I could've done it. And apparently there's no way in hell he could either.

So apparently, in Mexico, soccer > religion. What makes me say this? Because they've dressed up little Nino Dios (a statue of Jesus as a child) in a soccer uniform. Click this link and look at the picture. He's got more balls around him than a kid at Neverland Ranch... Is it bad to make a joke about baby Jesus and Michael Jackson (may he burn in peace) in the same sentence?... Ah, I don't care.

Well, I'm tired so that's it for today. See you all tomorrow. Enjoy.



~Christian