It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Halloween

Happy Halloween '09, faithful readers... All two of you... Today, I'll throw up the same shit I usually do, but it'll be somehow related to Halloween... Let's see how long that lasts...

This is kind of long (that's what she said) but it's funny. They dressed up a dummy and took him trick or treating. Good stuff.

That would freak me out, too, probably.

So last night on Attack of the Show, they featured a series of short animations called "Slasher School." This is similar to the live action "Slasher School" they did last Halloween. This is part 2. It's pretty funny stuff.


Best Halloween video ever: Drunken Ewoks on The Today Show. alright, not the best, but it's good stuff. Why were they on The Today Show? Honestly, I don't know where they came from.


That's it. No news today. Happy Halloween!

This Just In: You, Too, Can Look Like a Jackass

So, you remember ar the end of August when I put up the video for the shake-weight? It's back, and this time, men can look like douchebags too!


I don't know who all's heard, but Toy Story is back. I'm not just talking about the double feature some theaters are showing, they're making a third one.

I haven't decided if this is a good thing or not... I mean, I understand introducing this generation to it (cuz let's be honest, I grew up with those movies), but on the other hand, I grew up with those movies. They better not fuck 'em up!

So, I've said for a while that people are stupid. Here's another good example. The University of Notre Dame is full of morons. First of all, they can't pronounce Notre Dame. But that's not important. I guess there was some fancy party at the University and the caterer was mistakenly tipped $29,000. According to the article, she said she tried alerting the University several times, but they never returned her calls. So, does the University simple say, "God, you know what, my bad. Thanks for telling us."? No. Instead, they do what any civilized person would do: sue. Now, we can't blame just the university. It's obvious that they didn't mean to pay her so much, but she bought a Volkswagon Jetta with it... Yea, how many times did you call, lady?...

All right, I'm good for now. See ya tomorrow.

~Christian

There's Some Weird-Ass Shit Out There

Yesterday, I went to my class at Sinclair. I don't drive, because my dad doesn't want me struggling to pay for insurance with no job (damn economy), so my dad dropped me off. My sister would be by later to pick me up. My last words before getting out of the car were, "I wish I'd remember to bring a cell phone to class." But I didn't. So I walk over to my building and up to the 3rd floor. People usually wait outside the classroom till class actually starts, but if there's no one in the room, it's okay to go in. So I'm the only in the room. I check my school email. Class in canceled. And my professor sent the email out just earlier that morning. Fuck. I'm stranded with no phone. So I have to bum one off of someone. That's difficult in downtown Dayton, because everyone thinks you're gonna jack it. Finally, I find a guy who's either really nice or too lazy to care. Thanks, dude! He'll probably never see this, though...

So enough boring-ness (I hate being one of those "Tell-you-every-boring-detail-about-my-day" people, but I like that story). Here's a weird video. I mostly only like it because of the music and videography.

From what I've heard, there's never been any actual proof that anyone's been killed by a falling coconut. But it seems possible.

Ever seen a video that you weren't really sure if you like or not. It's just kind of... you know? Here's a little kid doing a Batman impression.


Have you ever followed a higher calling? One that's probably told you to help a neighbor, or donate to the poor... or steal a Dodge Charger. This 36-year-old guy (who told police his name was "Seven") smashed a window at a car dealership in Kentucky and stole a Charger, cuz God wanted him to. Security stopped him before he could even get into the showroom. Moron.

By the way, the U.N. is texting food to Iraqi refugees now. Yep, just when you think the world couldn't get any more reliant on technology. It's a good idea though. They're sending vouchers by text so refugees can go to markets and get food that can't be sent in an aid basket (stuff like cheese, for example). So it sounds weird as hell, but it's a good idea.

And that's it for today. Check back tomorrow, I'll try to get back into the "every day" routine... Yea, that'll happen. No, it will, trust me...

~Christian

No Title Today

A few years ago, we all heard about Tay Zonday and his "Chocolate Rain." He was all over YouTube. Let's not let his star status wane.

Yea, it's exactly what you think it's about. You can download that track by right clicking this link and clicking "save," by the way.

Have you ever asked yourself "Is this a good day for pie?" This video holds the answer.

Now, if the creators of Family Guy actually animated this segment (as in, they didn't call in another team of animators), you really must give them a hell of a lot of credit for being so flexible in their art style. It doesn't feel forced at all.

So, I've read some interesting court case stories, but I don't think any of them have ever involved shit-slinging. And I mean literal shit-slinging. Yes, that's right. A man threw a bag of his own excrement at the jury during his home-invasion trial... What the fuck would possess someone to throw poo at someone... Especially at the people who decide whether or not you get twenty years in prison. Honestly, dude, what was going through your head?...

Okay, now here's a story with a little grey area. A guy received over $470,000 from a company he never worked for. On the one hand, he was techincally stealing money. On the other, it's free money! He's looking at about six years, as well making up for all he received. So the plasma TV, jacuzzi, wet bar, H3, and new set of clubs to go with the admission into the Country Club are all gonna have to go back. Sorry pal. C'est la vie.

I'll leave you with this. It's a reminder of why people (especially dumb ones) should never be trusted with simple tasks like driving.

What really cracks me up is how they just drive away slowly like "I don't really need to be here, it's not that important. I'll come back tomorrow..."

~Christian

Football is for the Birds

So, about a week ago, during an Oakland/Phillie game, a pigeon joined the Raiders.

The refs should've called that foul: that's an obvious 12 man penalty... The Raiders offered him a contract for $20 million in bird seed, but it looks like he's going to turn it down to pursue his interest in sculptures...

So... here's why you shouldn't do drugs. You may falsely accuse people of being zombies... Yea, it doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense to me either...

Here's a video of a guy buying condoms.

I don't understand why guys are so paranoid buying condoms... It's like proof that you're about to get laid. College Humor also has a "Girl Buying Condoms" video, but I don't think it's as good...

We shall close with a download. This probably isn't a band you've ever heard of, but I really dig them. They're called Automatic Loveletter, and they are similar to bands like Paramore and Hey Monday. Listen to this: it's their "Recovery EP." It's pretty sweet. I especially dig "Make-Up Smeared Eyes." It's an acoustic masterpiece. Her voice is very... unique, too. It's got that same pop punk sound, but it's... I don't know, not as clean cut as say, Hayley Williams' voice. Anyway, download and enjoy.

~Christian

Keanu Reeves Receives Oscar

Ha, no he doesn't. But I found this video about him that's oddly compelling.

Oh, YouTube.

Oh, so remember that guy who got a DWI in his recliner? The police are auctioning it off, if you're in the market for a motorized La-Z-Boy...

Okay, so Australians obviously know how to sell shit. This commercial is an example.

You know, you probably thought I meant using hot women to sell the product. While that is probably the most effective way, chucking shit at 50 mph is still a good choice.

So, I think that most people enjoy being naked. It's more comfortable than wearing clothes. And that's this guy's philosophy, only he got arrested for it. Now, I know what you're saying, "Indecent exposure is a crime. People shouldn't walk around town naked." Well, this guy wasn't walking around town, just his own kitchen. And two people who cut through his yard (which is trespassing, I might add) saw is junk through the window.

That's just ridiculous. What the hell is this world coming to when a man can't walk around his own house in the nude? It's just fucking sad...

Before I go, I'd just like to mention an update about the band: We're back on the track we were earlier... Which means Zane is back in (just scheduling conflicts, I suppose) and we started a beautiful new song called "I Know It Hurts," which Dakota later pointed out to me sounds "really sexual." And he's fucking right... Dammit... But I don't care. The song rocks (and my voice doesn't sound like a dying hippo). That's it for now. Tune in next time for more exciting excitement, mysterious mystery, and funny fun... That was stupid...

~Christian

Some Things Are Just Cooler Than Others

Alright, best Halloween costume ever. And also one of the coolest things I've seen since I watched that penguin receiving knighthood.

That's freakin' sweet.

Alright, so I've posted shit about people getting DWIs before, but this... well, this is just ridiculous. It's awesome that he was driving his La-Z-Boy... He's just a goddamn idiot.

Okay, so which is worse: being in prison, or being home with your wife? Apparently for this guy, prison is way cooler. Because he wants transferred back to prison from house arrest. Something about "you get three square meals a day" and how the "wardens don't steal your credit cards and rack up a huge fucking bill."

So, Saw VI comes out tomorrow. Will I see it? No. Not till it's on DVD.I wanted to find a decent Saw parody, but this was the best I could do.

It's a great Jigsaw impression, really. A lot of people sound like shit when they do it, but he did pretty well.

Anyway, that's it. Till tomorrow... Oh, fuck wait. Zane quit the band today (Yes, I'm aware he's reading this). So that sucks. But we'll figure something out. Hell, I'll learn how to play the guitar if I have to. Anyway, bye.

~Christian

I'm On a Boat! Or Wait, I'm in a Box... Fuck It...

I'm in a box!

Yea, that's some hardcore gangsta shit for yo hizzle. That means "house" in rapper.

So, are you a pothead? Do you need a fucking job? Well, look no further than Denver Colorado's "Westwood" newspaper. They're looking for reviewers... of the state's pot shops. No shit. I hear it's pretty good pay, too.

Okay, so here's a video that's well... I think it explains itself nicely...

I know what you're thinking... Yes, that was "Bohemian Rhapsody" played with armpit farts.

I'll close today with something a little different: Pearls Before Swine! Did you know that if you go to comics.com, you can access all kinds of different newspaper comics? No shit. It's freakin' sweet!












Wow, the uh, the quality kind of blows on this... Click it, you can view it in a new page... It's all good.

~Christian

What Happens When You Find You Cat in Bed With Some Tramp

Ahahahaha! I love finding shit like this!

Love it, love it, love it.

Okay, so here's a video from a guy who calls himself "The Amazing Athiest."

It made me laugh. I'm not all "kill small animals" or anything, but he approached this topic perfectly. Anything can be made funny.

News that makes you go "WTF?" A little kid (like a toddler) fell 30 feet onto rocks. And is fine. Freakin' supertoddler... In other news, people are morons. Disagree? Read this and you won't. She picked up her friend (who was charged with a DWI) from the police station... While she was sloppy-fucking-drunk. Twice the legal limit. Moron.

Remember when I wrote about the guy who shot a cannon through his neighbor's window? He's being brought up on felony charges. This is why old people should be forced to stay in the house, away from dangerous things like cannons.

That's it for now, sorry I didn't put shit up over the weekend, but hopefully you got some fun out of this post. Later!

~Christian

Rockin' It Old School

So, for the past few days, I've been without an MP3 Player (due to a faulty chip which has rendered it completely inoperable). So, I've been sporting a 1998 walkman. No shit. Cassette tapes and all. Here's the links to download the cassettes I've been jammin': First, there's U2's 1991 album "Achtung Baby," which one of my teachers let me borrow. I really dig a couple of the songs on this album (notably "One," "Ultra Violet (Light My Way)," and "Tryin' to Throw Your Arms Around the World"). It's maybe not U2's greatest release, but it's still U2, and therefore awesome. The other tape I've been listening to is Cheap Trick's "Live at the Budokan," which I wasn't able to find a link to. So instead, here's a link to the album with the only song anyone knows by them anyway ("I Want You to Want Me") on "In Color." The live tape is pretty good, so if you ever get your hands on it, it's worth a listen.

So, when I'm on the YouTube homepage looking for cool videos to post here, a few things stick out. First, if a video's title is in all caps, like the one I'm about to show you. Also, it helps to have a few key words that draw my eye...

Honestly, I know what you're all thinking, but I'm actually more interested in the upper body strength of most of those girls. It's incredible. Particularly Jenyne Butterfly. Hardcore.

So I'm on msnbc.com, and I see a news story that says 22-inch man (guess what my initial thought was). Then there's a caption that says "I'm the world's shortest."I'm like "not at 22-inches you're not! That's world's longest, sir." But then I find out it's talking about his height. Holy shit. So, read this story.

That's all for today. I'm gonna get back on track with posting every day, hopefully. Chelsea's gone all weekend, so I won't be distracted (wink wink, nudge nudge).

~Christian

I'm Freakin' Sick

Yea. I hate being sick. And I was gonna try to tough it out, but I'm freakin' sick. So I slept all day. So forgive me if my post today isn't great. But I'm freakin' sick.

So, if you you grew up in my generation, you read "Where the Wild Things Are" at some point. And now they're making a movie. Hardcore.

Oh, yea. I'm seeing it.

Listen to this. Cuz it's pretty.

I less than 3 Hurt...

I'm sure everyone's already heard this (it's been all over the news today) but there was a big search out today for this 6-year-old boy that was thought to be inside a hot air balloon which was floating all over Colorado. But it's all good, he was inside a box in his attic the whole time... What a waste of taxpayers' money, police running all over creation looking for a kid that's actually in his own house. You'd think they would've checked the house first...

I'm done. Peace to all. Unless you're a moron, in which case I hate you...

~Christian

Are Commercials Getting Too Commercial?

Alright, this is a commercial I've been seeing lately, and it cracks me up every time.

I'm telling you, cracks me up.

Alright, so here's a curveball. A guy walks into his house, notices the lock has been forced, and then starts hearing voices. He calls the police, who find a man sleeping in a closet with a dead guy... That's just... I don't know what that is. I guess they were both doing drugs and the one guy OD'd... don't really know, too much has yet to be released. But I might follow up on this one.

Two boys fight off enraged deer with a stick... No shit. It starts beating the shit out of this little 7-year-old, then another kid comes along and hits it with a stick, at which point, the deer was like "Fuck, they've got sticks! No one told me they'd have sticks! All I've got are these razor sharp fucking antlers..."

Okay, one more story for today, just because I think it's hysterical. A guy in Germany got kicked off a train for not having a ticket. So he goes "Fine, I'll just moon all of you." At which point, his pants got caught on a door, and he was dragged along for 200 meters before someone pulled the emergency brake, thinking to themselves "Gee, I don't think he's supposed to be dangling there like that." He wasn't hurt, but I wondered if he got in more trouble for traveling those extra 200 meters without a ticket...

A video, and then I take my leave. Messin' With Sasquatch is pretty much a commercial icon.


~Christian

Homecoming

Yea, homecoming was yesterday. And I was determined to get my fucking money's worth. And it wore me the hell out. I made dinner for Chels, then we danced and later we crashed (literally) at her house. We were out like a light, and slept for like an hour and a half. Fun times.

But enough of my boringness. Videos.

Suit yourself, Shep. But I think it looks really good.

So, here's a reason why you shouldn't have a trashy house/apartment/condo/box under a freeway. A woman died and they can't find her because she's buried somewhere beneath 8 feet deep garbage in her home... That's just fucking gross.

On a somewhat unrelated note: a dead deer in a clown suit was left on the porch of an Iowa family. Ironically, the deer's last words were "I wouldn't be caught dead in the circus..." Funny how things work out.

Okay, so I was showing Chels some of the post in the archives, and I found out some of the videos and news shit don't work anymore. Which is shit. Cuz there were some good ones... But, I guess it doesn't matter too much. Anyway, I think that's it for today. Cuz I can't find anymore good videos (damn YouTube...) I thought I found one of a dog crashing a car, but it turns out it's just some guy talking about a dog crashing a car... Anyway, peace.

~Christian

Why All Guys Like Halloween

This pretty much sums it all up.

Sexy Lobster, Sexy Jesus... It's all good.

So, we all know how YouTube is king when it comes to finding incredibly odd videos at random, right? Okay, just so we're all on the same page...

It made me laugh. A little.

That's it. See you tomorrow.

~Christian

Advice Dog Saved My Life

I can't believe I lived so long without his wisdom...

Yea, I know it's awesome. YouTube is wonderful, isn't it?

More advice, you say? Look no further than the Philosoraptor...


This is a video by the creator of Philosoraptor that's also pretty good: The Socially Awkward Penguin.

And I'm pretty sure most of these things I've done... I don't think I've stared at my grandmother's tits though...

So, this is one of the luckiest things I've ever seen: A guy is in the middle of an embezzlement case, and he wins the lottery. He'll still see jail time.

Okat, something to download. Shinedown is arguably one of the best bands of today, and it was hard to narrow it down to one album, but "Us and Them" has some of their best work to date on it. The bottom half of the album is especialy good, with songs like "Shed Some Light," "Some Day," and "Fake." Brent Smith's voice is one of the best around, and I guara-fucking-tee you'll love this album, or your money back... Since you didn't pay, I'm able to make that statement without fear. Haha.

Anyway, that's it. It was a long one today. Mata!

~Chrisitan

If You Read This, You Will Die in Seven Days

Okay, you won't actually die in seven days if you read this. As long as you copy this and post it in ten more posts, then at midnight, your true love will kiss you... Fuck chain messaging.

So, stuff. How's about Potter Puppet Pals?

Oh, pipe bomb. You always know how to make an explosive entrance...

Here's one with over 3 million views!

I love the imagery and symbolism in this one. I think it really captures the essence of society as a whole...

So, um... if anyone has seen a lung... the traveling exhibit of human cadavers wants it back... yea, someone stole a fucking lung. That's never happened before. And what the fuck are they using it for? "Well, Jimmy, we couldn't afford the iron lung, so we stole this real one..." And here's an examploe of people who shouldn't be parents: a woman let her 13-year-old daughter ride on top of her van in a carboard box. "Okay, Amber, remember to hold on real tight when we go into the turns..." Morons. But don't worry, the box was secured on with fucking coat hangers...

Okay, somebody has to remember this song. It's like ten years old, but it was one of the most popular songs of the year.

Great song. Escape the Fate covered this, actually. It's pretty good.

That's it! Aloha!

~Christian

No, I Don't Want to Take a Short Political Survey

We watched this video in Government the other day. It's from SNL.

I love it.

Here's a video my brother showed me: How to Play Guitar... Well Enough to Get You Laid


I just watched this 45-minute long movie called "The Call of Cthulhu." It was made in 2005, but it's in the style of a 1920s silent movie. It was... alright. Kyle couldn't stay awake when he watched it. But he was right: Cthulhu needed more face time. I read a review on imdb.com that said Lovecraft doesn't translate well to video. I need to read the book, then. Right after I read Dante's Inferno, which is first on the list right now.

Alright, download this album: Pearl Jam's debut release, "Ten," is freaking great. Virtually every track is a work of art. This album has a ton of atmosphere to it, which I especially love. It surrounds you, man. Too bad Pearl Jam doesn't really sound like this anymore. Join the "Get Eddie Vedder Back on Heroin Campaign," so they'll sound like themselves again... Anyway, great CD.

That's it. Tune in again tomorrow. Peace.

~Christian

Point #2: You Are a Goddamn Idiot

Red vs. Blue makes me happy.


So, I heard that King's Island had to stop their dead celebrity thing, where they had a bunch of skeletons of dead celebrities all over the park... My friend thinks it's because of the skeletons on the guest list was Obama's Health Care Plan. No joke.

So, I found out why Wikipedia is awesome:

Sums it up nicely, I think.

Okay, what the hell. We know how fast food allows us to eat in a hurry, but has the world gone completely to shit? Drive-through... religion? I'm not kidding. Check it out. If you're not even gonna slow down to pray to God, then what the fuck?...

That's all today. See ya, homies.

~Christian

Somebody Tell Me What the Hell She's Talking About

So, while watching the "100 Greatest Moments of Youtube," I found this video. It is, without a doubt, one of the oddest anomalies on the internet...

If anyone catches a coherent statement in that video anywhere, please let me know. Cuz I couldn't find any...

Okay, if this news doesn't make you scratch your head, you're a fool. A cat was shot in the head with an arrow. And it lived. No shit. Here's more stupid burglars, this time from the beautiful Italy. He broke in and... honest to God... checked his Facebook account... Fucking noob.

Okay, so this is a funny Asian guy doing funny things.

It's funny cuz he's Asian... and illiterate.

I'll leave you with this video, cuz I love this song (the cover, haven't heard the original...)


~Christian

Happy New (Fiscal) Year!

Hugh Jackman is funny.

"You wanna get that?"

Here's a fail for you. Courtesy of FailBlog.org

Because fuck parallel parking!

So, the University of Florida seems pretty safe, in case you're thinking of enrolling there. They have an organized, detailed plan for what to do in case of a zombie attack... I went to their site to send you a link, but the disaster resource link is down... Damn.

Anybody ever seen "My Cousin Vinny"? Cuz this reminds me of it...

So you remember a few weeks ago I told you about Halestorm (who happened to be at X-Fest, in case you were there...) Well, I finally got a link to their CD. So, here's your download for today. Halestorm's self-titled CD is one of the best I've heard this year. Lzzy Hale's voice is absolutely incredible: one of the best female hard rock voices ever. I love this CD, every track. And I swear, she's had more sex than anyone I've ever heard of...

Alright, that's it. Hope you liked it. Happy new fiscal year...

~Christian