Twas the Night Before New Year's

So tonight marks the end of 2009. What a year it's been, right? Let's run through some highlights, shall we? Well, there was Kanye bashing Taylor, Chris Brown bashed (literally, this time) Rihanna, District 9, Alice in Chain's first studio album in 14 years, that senator that yelled at President Obama, DJ Hero, Transformers 2... It's just been a damn good year. Here's a video that I think is absolutely phenomenal. This song is a remix of 25 of the year's biggest pop songs including Black Eyed Peas, Taylor Swift, Kings of Leon, and Lady GaGa.

Honestly, I don't like most of the songs used, but collectively, they make a great song.

Here's another video. You know those numbers you see on bathroom walls that say "for a good time, call this number"? Ever call one?

Best ending to any video ever.

Okay, I want everyone to go out and try to beat this record: A woman gets pulled over in South Dakota. She's drunk. But here's the kicker: her blood alcohol content was .708... that's nine times the legal limit. That's a record. So, tonight is New Year's Eve. I want everyone to get shit-faced, plastered, hammered, horizontal, and whatever other synonyms for drunk you can think of and then record your blood alcohol. Alright, not really. If people did that, I'd get in trouble, so this is the disclaimer, saying it was only a joke... but seriously, the idea is already there and I can't stop you... :D

~Christian

Ten Days Later...

... Um, hi. So, I've been kind of neglectful. Really neglectful. I haven't been updating. But starting the first of the year, I'll try to get on and put something up every day. Here's a video of some marshmallows being brutally massacred.

It's always Steve that goes first...

This next video isn't so much funny as it is cute and/or romantic. I also really like the song (it's "Yellow" by Coldplay).

That's for Chels, if she ever reads this post. She showed me the video.

Alright, this story is from Christmas day in Missouri. Do you have one of those friends that's kind of hard to shop for? Well, there is one gift that trumps all others, and this guy decided to give this gift which keeps on giving. Officers found in this guy's car 20 pounds of gift-wrapped marijuana. A merry fucking Christmas indeed.

I know it's not much, after having been gone for ten days with no good explanation... but there you go. See you tomorrow!

~Christian

Ain't No Postin' When He's Gone...

I know I haven't posted in a couple days. Oh well. I might stop this altogether soon. Don't know yet. Anyway, some videos.

This has gotta be one the most useless things I've ever seen: The Necky. It's like a Snuggie... for your neck... What's next? Headie for your head! Handsie, for your hands! Dicky for your... well, you get the picture.

Yup.

I'm gonna finish tonight with a download. Here's Trivium's 2005 release "Ascendancy." I think this was their most articulate album to date, and a sort of balance between the different aspects of their music. It wasn't strictly heavy metal like "Ember" was, and not as shitty as "The Crusade" was. Enjoy.

Long Weekend

I didn't update over the weekend cuz I had too much going on. Two parties in two days, band practice, blah blah blah. Anyway, I'm here now, and we're gearing up for the Christmas season (fuck "holiday season").

Here's a video of a bum playing Radiohead's "Creep."

He rocked that song, man. Seriously.

In other news, the Australian government is encouraging pandas to reproduce... Yea, apparently there is some kind of "shoots of bamboo welfare plan" or something. The more cubs you have, the more bamboo the government will pay out... Alright, so maybe that's not exactly how it works, but seriously? Here's the article.

December 10...

Yesterday was my birthday. Chels got me this sweet notebook that's covered with like vinyl or something. I don't know, but anyway, it's sweet. So I decided to start a journal in it. write what's going on in my life, sketch, jot down song ideas. whatever pops up. So if you're reading this, Chels, I love it. But you're probably not reading this...

So, let me just throw up a couple videos and we'll get this show on the road. This video is one I saw on Tosh.0 once. It's like... hardcore, or something...

Yea, there isn't a word for it, you know?

Okay, here's another video that's just kind of... I don't know. It's been circulating for a little while, and has probably already started to go viral. The WoW freak-out kid, ladies and gentlemen.

Remote... up the ass... and how did he get his clothes off?... But on the plus side, he'd make it big as a grindcore vocalist...

Here's something that'll get you some street cred in prison: Three guys are sitting in the prison cafeteria. First guy: "I killed three people. What're you two in for?" Second guy: "I went on a car theft spree. Stole twenty cars before they busted me." Third guy: "I pissed on a cop..." Here's the thing: the guy really did piss on a freakin' cop. It was his fifth (count 'em, five times!) drunk driving arrest. The cop put him in the cruiser and the guy pisses all over the back seat and sprays the officer in the back of the head. He got piss on his head! When I read the article, I thought it would be on his boots or something. But no, on his freakin' head. He's serving one year, he was fined $3600, and he's had his license revoked. Yea, that ought to teach him. You can read the article here.

And that's all folks! I'll try and put more up tomorrow.

~Christian

Guess What Tomorrow Is

Tomorrow is my mother fuckin' birthday. And it's gonna be sweet. Cuz I get money. So today, I dressed up like an elf and delivered Christmas presents to the elderly at a nursing home. And also found out that my former place of employment has since firing me hired a new guy. Fuck 'em. I hope the place burns to the ground.

Anyway. I found this video earlier. I think it's funny.

Yea. It's alright. I need to cut this one pretty short, so I think I'll just put a link to a great CD.

This album is one of my favorites: Trapt's self-titled disc. Listen to it yourself. It's great. *Quiet snicker*

And until tomorrow, that shall be all. Hope you liked the download... Hahaha!

"C" is for [Insert Genitalia Reference Here]

Hey! This is probably gonna be a shorter one tonight, cuz I didn't get any sleep last night (literally) and I slept all day today and blah blah blah... anyway, I'm tired. But I'll throw in some cool stuff.

Here's Skillet's video for "Monster." I'm pretty pumped for their new album.

I love the part with the real low growl.

This video is from a month or two ago from College Humor. It's great.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

They put out some good stuff. "I feel like we all have really good aim until the second we put these helmets on." Ha! Classic.

Hahaha, this made me smile. Go to Google and type "tiger woods is " into the search bar. You get some cool results. For those of you too lazy to to it your damn selves, here's a picture.

And I'm out. Did anyone watch the Moochie series? Do it, the first episode is on yesterday's post. The rest are on YouTube. They're great. Me and Kyle watched all 6 twice yesterday. You'll laugh, you'll cry. Trust me. Adios.

~Christian

Talking Hamsters Rock

So I was on X-Gen Studios and I saw an ad for a YouTube show called Moochie. It's a 6-part series about a hamster that talks. It's awesome. Here's the first episode.

Me and Kyle love it.

"God! Dad snores so loud I could kill him!" Ever said something like that before? Ever actually attack someone for it? This kid did. Allegedly.

Here's another story that may prove there is *gasp* humanity left in the world! I didn't think it was possible, but a prison accidentally freed the wrong prisoner, Ahmed Ismail, instead of Ismail Awad. And the guy turned himself in. Feel good stoy of the year right there.

Alright, now something to play us out.

Goodnight.

~Christian

Tonight, I Am Going to Wash the Hippy

So, I've been writing more (lyrics) lately. I'm proud of the way they're turning out. I'm getting better at this stuff. Now I need to get better at piano so I can write my piano screamo song... Trust me, it'll work.

Here's a video that might bring a little fun to your day. Do the Sex Offender Shuffle, everybody!

Telly cracks me up. "It was an extortion plot by my wife!" Yea, okay, pervert. And I'm the last son of Krypton.

Before you watch this video, I wanna say something: First, plastic surgery is the worst idea ever. You should only ever have plastic surgery if you're a burn victim or you stepped on a landmine or something. You should NOT have plastic surgery because you want a firmer butt, fewer wrinkles, or a less flabby tummy. That's just called getting old. It happens to the best of us. And nobody wants to look like Joan Rivers when they're a hundred and twelve like she is. Second, models are fucking stupid. I can't stand them. Women look at them like blueprints and they have to fit into said blueprint. Models are morons. Don't believe me? Look where this model's need to be "beautiful" seems to have failed her just a bit.

See my point? It's kind of funny to me, in an incredibly bitter sense.

So here's an awkward situation: you want to donate something to charity for Christmas, so you find an old vase and give it to Goodwill. You feel good about yourself. But later, you're looking for your weed and can't find it. That's when you realize that your $1,500 worth of pot was, ironically, in that pot. Dammit! That actually happened this week in southeast Ohio of all places. You can read about it here.

That's all tonight. See you tomorrow!

~Christian

8 Days and Counting

My birthday is on the 9th. Everybody should get me something... Like money... or a stripper... or both...

When I got home this evening, my brother was watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Anyone ever notice how the models all look nasty in their own way? Some are waaaaaaay too skinny, and others have like the cheekbones of a chicken. It's ridiculous. Why do girls strive to be like these models when all my brother and I did the whole time watching was pick apart all their flaws?...

Alright, so Jackie showed me this site today that made me piss my pants. It's called People of Walmart. Basically, people follow around the weird-ass mofos that shop at Walmart and take pictures for the rest of us to laugh at. It's great, check it out.

Ever think about changing your name? Well, if you do, be smart about it. I'm tired of hearing of jackasses like Chad Johnson... Oh, excuse me. Chad Ochocinco. Fucker. This woman decided she'd change her name from Dorothy Lola Killingworth (which is kind of a brutal last name) to, no fuckin' shit, Jesus Christ. But I guess she's not living up to the name, because it says here she was excused from jury duty because she was a pain in the ass. But that's just a paraphrasing. I think those people should be forced more so to attend jury duty. She was only being a douche to get out of it...

This is a great video from the guys at How It Should Have Ended. It's their vision for Twilight.

Check out my bazillion ab muscles. Hahaha. Love it.

Alright, that's it for now. But fear not, for there will always be more to enjoy in the limitless world of the interweb.

~Christian

Clifty Falls = Freakin' Sweet

So, yesterday we drove out to Indiana to a place called Clifty Falls, which is I guess a national park. I wasn't thrilled, but my aunt won't be with us much longer, so I figured I needed to go. It was awesome. We stayed in a really nice hotel in the park. And my whole family stayed up in the common area until almost 1 AM playing Trivial Pursuits and Apples to Apples. It was one of the most fun trips I've ever been on. If you ever have the opportunity, go to Clifty Falls. And sit on the back porch at night, trust me. It's great.

Yesterday's post was cut short because I thought I'd have enough time to type it before we left, but as it turns out, not so much. And tonight I'm kinda tired, so don't expect a lot out of this one either.

Alright, so obviously, there are only so many good new YouTube videos out there before you have to resort to classics. The Muppets are classic.

Ahaha, I love it! Beaker is one of the best Muppets.

Okay, it seems that South Africa is having a lot of trouble with gangs nowadays. But these aren't your run-of-the-mill troublemakers, no. These are much, much worse. Gangs of baboons. No kidding. I guess they get into people's cars and mess with their stuff. It's kind of funny.

Alright, that's it tonight. Sorry. But look on the bright side, I don't have class tomorrow, so I have all afternoon to scour the internet for the best material... or play Fallout 3... hmmm... See ya!

~Christian

Fuck Black Friday

Let me tell you a story. Yesterday, I decided to go to Best Buy for Black Friday because Mike (my brother) told me they had "Fallout 3: Game of the Year Edition" for $20. My mom gave me twenty bucks (cuz it's going to be my birthday present) and I woke up at 4:00. Mike came too. We got there at 4:45, and there were already about 3-or-400 people in line. We decided to get out of the car (in the cold and drizzling rain) and wait in line. Good thing we did: by the time the store finally opened, there were a good 150 people behind us. We found the game easily, but there was a problem. It was 40 bucks. Fuck. I ran back to my car and drove back home. I caught mom before she had left for work. She gave me another $20. I drove back. I waited in the goddamn line for an hour and a half. I got to the cashier, and he says "Okay, that'll be $60." I almost punched him in the face. I was livid. The only money I had was forty bucks. So I went back home and then at 9, I went to the bank to take out $20 from my savings. They said that I couldn't take out any money without my mother's approval, because I'm technically still a minor for the next two weeks. Fuck. I didn't have my cell. I drove back home. I got my cell, I called my mom, she talked to the teller, I got my money, I drove to Best Buy, picked up the game (which they still had plenty of freaking copies of) and waited in a line for five minutes. I should have waited five hours. I could've saved my self so much trouble. Worst day ever. Fuck Black Friday.

Okay, that was a long-ass rant... Here's a video. Paramore's new single, "Brick by Boring Brick."

Great song.

Now, I have to leave for Indiana. Family trip. Clifty Falls. Adios!

~Christian

Happy Turkey Day!

Everybody get enough to eat today? I did. It was hardcore. Turkey, mashed potatoes, cheesy veggie casserole, the works. Plus some pecan pie and banana pudding. Anyone going shopping tomorrow? I'm going to Best Buy to pick up the Game-of-the-Year Edition of Fallout 3. It's like 20 bucks. That's a steal compared to the normal $60. So I'm leaving at like 4:30 in the freaking morning to get it. Fun.

This is funny. Billy Crystal and Robert DeNiro work well together.


This video also kind of makes me laugh. Happy Thanksgiving.

Damn cat, always eating the pie...

So, for Thanksgiving, be thankful for another music download! Woo! Today, 10 Years' "Division." This is their latest studio effort and one of their best. The guitar work on this is phenomenal and the atmosphere was perfect. From the slower songs like "So Long, Goodbye" to the harder ones like "Just Can't Win" and "Actions & Motives," it deserves a listen.

And that's all today, gotta get some shut-eye for the shopping tomorrow. God, I sound like such a chick. See ya!

~Christian

3 Sad Cows

Alright, I didn't update on Sunday or yesterday and I'm sorry, but here's what's going on. First quarter of college is done. And I'm ready for a little break from classes. Thanksgiving is right around the corner (make sure you buy a turkey for that special someone). Also, I just finished watching "12 Angry Men." The old black & white one from '57. It's great, go watch it. But if you're lazy, here's the whole movie in 60 seconds (it's funnier if you've seen it...)

"Who are you?" "I'm Henry Fonda." (walks away) Makes me happy.

Here's another one that's pretty funny.

Haha, that's not "12 Angry Men," that's "3 Sad Cows." A real poignant tearjerker. I love it.

Doesn't seem to be much happening in the news, unless you wanna read about how Paula Deen got smacked in the face with a ham. It's kind of amusing.

Anyway, that'll do, pig. That'll do. Bye.

~Christian

... Where Can I Buy One?

Alright, maybe I'm not a big fan of technology taking over our lives, but this is the coolest phone ever. I don't understand it, but it's cool.

Told you. The identity tagging is maybe a little on the unsure side (it would revolutionize the stalking industry, though), but other than that, it's cool.

So, the next time you say someone scared you to death, remember that it's actually possible. Larry Whitfield has been sentenced to life in prison for scaring a 79-year-old woman to death by kidnapping her. Yea. It's weird.

This one I heard about this morning on Fox News. A woman lost her long-term sick leave benefits because of her Facebook. She's got pictures of herself on the beach and stuff, but her doctor advised her to take a vacation because she was depressed. So now she's suing.

Okay, here's a video I absolutely love. These are things that are like a one in a million chance.

One of my favorites is at 24 seconds. That's just incredible.

That's it for now. See ya!

~Christian

Just Like That

So, I'm currently working on a new song (and just finished one). Both are pretty cool. In other news, our kitten died today. Got stuck under a chair. Mom cried. Hard. Call me heartless, but I just went on with what I was doing. But I'm boring you...

I'd like to share with you my latest piece. Let me know what you think.

"Flawed"

My biggest flaws are all that I can see
Like great weights, they're crushing me
My time is spent trying to cover up the hole
I'm not even sure who's in control

Why do I stand just to get knocked down again?
I try to focus but my vision starts to spin

How can I lead myself back home?
I don't feel I've learned anything, I don't think I've grown
The though of losing you makes my skin crawl
You tell me that it's alright, but I still feel flawed

My heart sometimes get lost along its path
And I have to deal with the aftermath
My only hope is I'll be able to deal
But it's not enough, these wounds won't heal

Why do I stand just to get knocked down again?
I try to focus but my vision starts to spin

How can I lead myself back home?
I don't feel I've learned anything, I don't think I've grown
The though of losing you makes my skin crawl
You tell me that it's alright, but I still feel flawed

And it seems like these walls are closing in on me
And I think someone should catch me before I hit the ground
There's nothing I want more than to erase these mistakes
And break through these walls, to no longer feel flawed

How can I lead myself back home?
I don't feel I've learned anything, I don't think I've grown
The though of losing you makes my skin crawl
You tell me that it's alright, but I still feel flawed

Alright, here's an interesting article for you: Scientists are figuring out how to grow meat in labs, without animals. Now this is kind of cool for a couple of reasons: First, this would end animal rights movements (I'm so fucking sick of hearing about how animals are people too...). Plus, now we can use all that land for something else, like (here's a crazy thought) creating low-income housing developments or anything else that helps our standard of living improve... That would be nice. But they say that things could get out of hand, potentially being able to recreate any kind of meat... including human, if they wanted too.

By the way, if you're a doctor, and you have a fat patient, don't tell her she's fat. Cuz you could get your license taken away, like this guy.

I need to find a video for this thing... but apparently there aren't any good ones today... so fuck it. See you tomorrow.

~Christian

What is This World Coming To?

Foxnews.com is my homepage. So when I opened my internet browser, I saw this headline "Killer Homework?: Cop Says Teen Killed Girl , 9, 'To Know What It Felt Like'." Honestly, that's just fucking sick. You gotta be seriously fucked up in the head to decide to go over to your neighbor's house, strangle their daughter, cut her throat, and stab her. That's... that's just fucking horrible.

Alright, let's change the subject. Here's why you shouldn't A) invite slutty chicks to your wedding, B) serve them alcohol, and C) have a single (rather colorful) pole that holds up your tent...

Yea, we're gonna mark this under "epic fail," lady.

Hey, has anyone heard Puddle of Mudd's new single? It sucks. They're doing such a horrible job these days, I'm surprised they're even receiving radio play. Speaking of garbage, my girlfriend told me to watch Lady GaGa's new video for "Bad Romance." The song blows, but the video's trippy as hell. And in a good way, not like Beyonce's freaking "Video Phone" shit. She was nasty-looking in that video (which is weird as hell for Beyonce...).

Ever sit around your house, just texting on your iPhone and wonder... What would happen if I put this iPhone in my microwave? Well, your question has been answered by these guys...

Yea, so I guess it's not a good idea to microwave an iPhone... Who would've guessed?

That about wraps it up for today. So until next time, here's Ninja Cat. Goodnight, everybody.


~Christian

There's More to Living Than Being Alive

Okay, this is gonna be a short one, cuz I still need to do dishes and then go to bed.

Here's a little story about why not just anyone can be a ninja. This guy attempted to leap over a fence, but was then impaled on it... He's fine, but you can't recover from stupid...

Okay, we haven't done this in a while: music downloading! Woo! I'm an enabler! Alright, today I have for you Alice in Chains' "MTV Unplugged" disc. It's absolutely fantastic. So many of their songs translate so well to acoustic, and this CD proves it. I can't think of any downside to this album. If you like hangover music, why not wake up drunk with this?

Alright, here's a video. It's actually a commercial from American Express, but I love the music in it. I believe this is the prelude to Bach's Cello Suite No. 1 in G Major. And I love it.


And with that, I bid you adieu. I'll see you again tomorrow.

~Christian

I Might Start Drinking, Actually...

So tonight was cool. I got to drive solo for the first time. I know what you're thinking: But Christian, you're almost 18. Why can't you drive? I waited a long damn time, that's why. And for a while I had no insurance. But tonight, I got to drive Chelsea home. So it's pretty hardcore.

Anyway, stuff for your viewing pleasure. This is kind of an old video, but it remains funny. And effective at selling its product. Even I considered buying it.

I love the score for this commercial. So much depth and emotion to it...

So a guy walks into a store with $600 (I know this sounds like a set-up to a joke, but this actually happened). He then steals a mechanical pencil and gets arrested for it. Why? Cuz he's a goddamn idiot. That's why.

Okay, so last Saturday, Taylor Swift hosted SNL. And she did this musical monologue that rocks my socks off. It's actually better than most of the junk I've heard by her. Cracks me up, just watch it. By the way, you have to skip to 50 seconds to ignore the subscribe ad. Sorry about the quality.

The part about writing about douche bags who break up with her is my favorite. Oh, Taylor. You amuse me. "Hey Joe, I'm doin' fine."

That's all tonight. Tune in tomorrow for more shit to make you laugh.

~Christian

Post #62

Happy Sunday. Spent my day playing Mahjong. Best damn game ever... other than Pyramids... or Seven Minutes in Heaven (wink wink). Anyway, I love it, so you should play it too. Play it here.

Here's a great video. I don't know if this is just funny or kind of hot...

My favorite is either the ponytail yank or the tripping.

Short day today. That's it. See ya!

~Christian

It's Like Pulling Teeth

My goddamn internet, I swear to God... It took me like 20 minutes to load this freakin' page. But anyway, I'm here. That's the important thing. Let's start with the news today, just because I wanna mix it up.

Okay, I really wish this had happened two weeks ago, on Halloween. Three homeless guys in Moscow were arrested. Why? Because the butchered a 25-year-old man, ate part of his body, then sold the rest to a kebab stand... You can't make this shit up, folks. That's one of the oddest stories I've come across...

This one cracks me up: In 1959, a guy checked some books out from his high school library. 50 years later, they were returned. Yea. He sent the books to the school along with a $1,000 money order to pay for the fines. I'm telling you, you can't make this up.

This video makes me piss. Watch it and love it.

I see a #1 single here. Charlie could be HUGE! I can't even tell you how much I love that video.

I also found this video, which I found kind of cool, but only parts of it, cuz other parts are boring. Roomba Pac Man. Yep.

Yea, there's some boring science parts, but still, these guys are freaking playing Pac Man with Roombas! Anyway, the moral of the story is Roombas are cool and Pac Man makes them even cooler.

Alright, that's all for today. See you tomorrow for more videos, news, and, other random shit.

~Christian

Shoe Dragons Are the Best Kind of Dragon

Everybody knows that. Oh, wait. You don't know what the hell a shoe dragon is? Well, you're stupid, because it's pretty self-explanatory.
















Tori Thompson drew that on her shoe. Hence why it's called a "shoe dragon." Pretty hardcore.

Just when you thought anyone could do the Risky Business scene in their underwear (has everyone seen the Band Hero Taylor Swift commercial?) this goes and happens.

God, I wish I could freeze frame and instant replay for you, but I wonder what was going through her mind by the time her body was at a 45 degree angle. Probably something along the lines of "Oh fuckin' shit! I can't believe I let Amber talk me into this shit." God, I could watch that over and over again.

And now, a word from our sponsors: Hey! Are you horny? Run out of cell phone minutes? You can still call 911! Ask the dispatcher for sex! Take it from our satisfied customer, Joshua Basso. Oh wait, he was arrested... Guess you can't ask him...

Only in Texas... Okay, so this woman claimed she had cancer and held a benefit for her chemotherapy. She raised $10,000. What's the problem? She doesn't have cancer. She spent the money on breast implants so she could "save her seven-month marriage." Sigh. Let's break this down, shall we? She's only been married to this guy seven months, and the marriage is apparently falling apart. I don't think her boobs are the problem. Second of all, why does she think that bigger boobs will save her marriage? Maybe the problem is that she's a conniving, scheming bitch. Third of all, aren't there more efficient ways of saving a marriage, that don't require you stealing thousands of dollars from your friends, family, and neighbors? God, people are fucking nuts.

I'd like to leave you with a list of my favorite phobias. Why? Cuz it's my damn blog and I'll do what I want... So anyway, here we go. These are actual, legitimate, textbook phobias.
Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia. The fear of long words. No shit.
Ithyphallophobia. The fear of an erect penis... I won't comment.
Arachibutyrophobia. The fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.
Barophobia. The fear of gravity. Now, how does that work, are they scared all the damn time?...
Phobophobia. The fear of having a phobia... Alright.
Hellenologophobia. The fear of Greek words, which is funny because phobias are all greek roots.
Pronophobia. The fear of prostitutes. I don't see how anyone could fear them. Maybe they fear contracting diseases from them...

And that's it for today, hope you had fun. See ya next time.

~Christian

Lynch Me If You Like...

God, I haven't posted in forever... My computer has been screwing up (or so my dad says), so he took it to get fixed. It seems to be working much better, actually. So, let me update you. TSO was incredible. Words cannot describe how amazing it was. On Tuesday, I saw 500 Days of Summer. It was pretty sweet, for a chick flik. Today was a good day, too. I have an A in Stats, I read more of my book, I'm doing well in Japanese, AND I had some pizza with Mountain Dew. Hell yea, good day.

But enough about my boring life. You want some videos and shit, right?

I watched that the other day in Government. No, we don't do any work in that class...

So, this video makes me smile... Cuz I like watching drunk people fall down... And there's an added twist: a subway train!

Aw, almost. Just kidding. People being run over by trains isn't funny. Unless that person is Kanye West. Cuz he's a fool.

By the way, does anyone think that MySpace, Facebook, and YouTube fuck up your computer? Cuz my dad seems to think that they're all crawling with viruses and the second you load the page, your computer is infested with them. I don't know, I've been on YouTube on all kinds of computers and none of them seem to crash... Oh well, fuck it. Here's the news.

A guy is let off on robbery charges thanks to his Facebook. Yep. So, if you're ever charged with a crime, but you swear to God you didn't do it, tell the cops to check your MySpace or Facebook or something. See, they're not just for viruses, they can help you get out of jail!

Haha, it's really pissing my little brother off that I won't get off the damn computer so he can play RuneScape. So, I think this is it for today. I promise to update again tomorrow. Au revoir.

~Christian

Videos of Things I Did Today And Other Fun Minutia

Yesterday was busy. Wake up, go to school. From school I went directly to Sinclair to see a poetry reading by two poets who were, in my humble opinion, incredibly talented. Jon Sands was one of them. If you've never seen him, check this out. The first one's... pretty dirty... but they're all incredible.

There's so much power to it. It's incredible. The other poet was Adam Falkner. He's a little different from Jon. His poems have a certain je ne sais quoi (perhaps, more bitter-sounding...). Anyway, here's my favorite poem by him. It's called "Passing."

I got to talk to these guys after their reading, too. They're pretty cool. I always like meeting people that write, like when I met the singer for Riverboat Gamblers. It gives me a chance to meet people who do what I enjoy: writing and then performing for people what I've written. And people who write enjoy feedback from their audience, so it's a win/win.

After the reading, I went home and cleaned, then went to band practice (we sound fucking great, guys), then I went skating then went back to Chelsea's and watched Treasure Planet. But I fell asleep. So, now I have no money and I'm a little worn out and my feet hurt. A good night.

Today, however, I will be going to a Trans Siberian Orchestra concert... fo' free. I haven't been to one concert that I paid for. It makes me happy. So, I hope everyone knows who TSO is. I'm sure you'll know this video.

... Awesome. Just incredible. I wonder how long that took him? I mean, you can't just sit down in one afternoon and program 125,000 lights to flash on every note the orchestra plays... What a nerd. But a cool nerd.

Alright, so you know when I posted that story that said that reviewing pot shops was "the best job ever?" Well, I found one better. A police informant was given money, by the police, four times to pay for sex in a massage parlor. And then $180 for his troubles... Best... job... ever. But the cops are in trouble for it because what they did was absolutely ridiculous.

Ever been really late to something with no way to get there, but you really needed to be there? Why not steal a car? That's what this guy did. See, he was really late to his arraignment on auto theft charges. That's right. He stole a car to drive to the courthouse in order to face auto theft charges... There's just... I don't even know how to respond to the ludicrous level of imbecility this man obviously has. God, that was like poetry, you see that? I rock.

That's it for today, I have to leave, like right now. To go to Kyle's to go to TSO! Woo! See ya!

~Christian

Computer Problems

So, I haven't posted in a few days. Sorry. Both the computers we own have become all sucky and fucky. But this one's all better now (and actually, it seems to be running faster... so win!) But anyway, let's start with a rant.

Rant #34 – This is My Girlfriend. She Lives 600 Miles Away. I Met Her On MySpace

But never in person. But she says she loves me. We’ve been dating for a week. She’s going to drive here when she gets her license… Sigh. I don’t know who I’m more ashamed of: the poor guy, who’s an idiot, or the girl 600 miles away who’s laughing her ass off with her friends. Okay, so first of all, a month into any relationship, let alone a week, the word love should not even come up unless used in a sentence like this: “Oh yea, I love Chinese food!” Second of all, your girlfriend is 600 fucking miles away. And it’s not like you were dating for a while and then she moved. You met her while you’re in Ohio and she’s in Texas or South Carolina or some obscure country in Eastern Europe that has a name you can’t even pronounce. And you know that the girl’s just fucking with them because it’s always a really hot girl and the guy looks like he lost a fight with genetics. This only supports my theory that teenage girls are all “fake people.” Oh, and by the way, she’s not going to drive out to meet you. Ever. She’s going to send you a message saying she doesn’t love you, then say it was her friend, then you’ll get pissed and the two of you will “break up.” But you’ll want her back so you keep sending her messages on MySpace until you finally give up and become depressed for the rest of high school. Good luck with that!

That one was, when I wrote it July, dedicated to this guy who only ever dated people who lived at least 500 miles away. He finally has a girlfriend in the same city going to the same school. Seems much happier. This isn't rocket science, people.

Alright, this video is hard to the fucking core... ish. I think it's kind of cool, anyway.

They glow under blue light. It's awesome. Plus, I think the music is nice to chill to.

So, I live in a semi-rural area. I've driven down some roads and seen deer crossing the road (once with a driving instructor who freaked out and slammed on his brake... freakin' Phil...) Anyway, the moral of the story is that this is ridiculous. A circus elephant crosses the road (sounds like the start to a chicken joke...) and an SUV almost hits it. Good stuff.

Holy shit! I found a leaked scene from Saw VII (yes, they're making a Saw fucking VII, I'm not happy about it, but what can you do?... Oh by the way, it's gonna be in fucking 3-D, how lame is that? Why does Hollywood do this shit to us, man? I mean, first they make six Saw movies, and now they're gonna make one in 3D? What, so the blood jumps at you? Or the chainsaw looks like it's right at your neck... But I digress). Anyway, this is totally an actual scene from the upcoming seventh installment of the most overdone franchise since The Land Before Time, and not a video made by someone in their mom's basement. Enjoy.

Haha, yea, that was totally done in his mom's basement...

Okay, I guess that's it for today. I wanted to put up a download, but "it puts viruses on the computer." I guess so could blogging, but I have a policy about that: Fuck it. Good night!

~Christian

Needs More Cowbell

I saw this video this morning on Fox News. Christopher Walken reading Lady GaGa's "Pokerface."

Oh oh ooh ah oh ee oh... Freakin' epic.

We started playing the virtual stock market today in Government... I should never do it with real money, cuz I'm down right now.

You know, sometimes, it's difficult to find videos that aren't made by douchebags... So I think that's it for videos today. But here's some news. a Woman called 911 to report herself being drunk and driving. Claims she "didn't want to hurt anybody." Smart drunk. If only more people got smart when they're stupid...

I was going to put up a rant, but my computer is a piece of shit. So instead, I'm cutting this one short. That's all for today. Tomorrow I'll definately have a rant and a download.

~Christian

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Halloween

Happy Halloween '09, faithful readers... All two of you... Today, I'll throw up the same shit I usually do, but it'll be somehow related to Halloween... Let's see how long that lasts...

This is kind of long (that's what she said) but it's funny. They dressed up a dummy and took him trick or treating. Good stuff.

That would freak me out, too, probably.

So last night on Attack of the Show, they featured a series of short animations called "Slasher School." This is similar to the live action "Slasher School" they did last Halloween. This is part 2. It's pretty funny stuff.


Best Halloween video ever: Drunken Ewoks on The Today Show. alright, not the best, but it's good stuff. Why were they on The Today Show? Honestly, I don't know where they came from.


That's it. No news today. Happy Halloween!

This Just In: You, Too, Can Look Like a Jackass

So, you remember ar the end of August when I put up the video for the shake-weight? It's back, and this time, men can look like douchebags too!


I don't know who all's heard, but Toy Story is back. I'm not just talking about the double feature some theaters are showing, they're making a third one.

I haven't decided if this is a good thing or not... I mean, I understand introducing this generation to it (cuz let's be honest, I grew up with those movies), but on the other hand, I grew up with those movies. They better not fuck 'em up!

So, I've said for a while that people are stupid. Here's another good example. The University of Notre Dame is full of morons. First of all, they can't pronounce Notre Dame. But that's not important. I guess there was some fancy party at the University and the caterer was mistakenly tipped $29,000. According to the article, she said she tried alerting the University several times, but they never returned her calls. So, does the University simple say, "God, you know what, my bad. Thanks for telling us."? No. Instead, they do what any civilized person would do: sue. Now, we can't blame just the university. It's obvious that they didn't mean to pay her so much, but she bought a Volkswagon Jetta with it... Yea, how many times did you call, lady?...

All right, I'm good for now. See ya tomorrow.

~Christian

There's Some Weird-Ass Shit Out There

Yesterday, I went to my class at Sinclair. I don't drive, because my dad doesn't want me struggling to pay for insurance with no job (damn economy), so my dad dropped me off. My sister would be by later to pick me up. My last words before getting out of the car were, "I wish I'd remember to bring a cell phone to class." But I didn't. So I walk over to my building and up to the 3rd floor. People usually wait outside the classroom till class actually starts, but if there's no one in the room, it's okay to go in. So I'm the only in the room. I check my school email. Class in canceled. And my professor sent the email out just earlier that morning. Fuck. I'm stranded with no phone. So I have to bum one off of someone. That's difficult in downtown Dayton, because everyone thinks you're gonna jack it. Finally, I find a guy who's either really nice or too lazy to care. Thanks, dude! He'll probably never see this, though...

So enough boring-ness (I hate being one of those "Tell-you-every-boring-detail-about-my-day" people, but I like that story). Here's a weird video. I mostly only like it because of the music and videography.

From what I've heard, there's never been any actual proof that anyone's been killed by a falling coconut. But it seems possible.

Ever seen a video that you weren't really sure if you like or not. It's just kind of... you know? Here's a little kid doing a Batman impression.


Have you ever followed a higher calling? One that's probably told you to help a neighbor, or donate to the poor... or steal a Dodge Charger. This 36-year-old guy (who told police his name was "Seven") smashed a window at a car dealership in Kentucky and stole a Charger, cuz God wanted him to. Security stopped him before he could even get into the showroom. Moron.

By the way, the U.N. is texting food to Iraqi refugees now. Yep, just when you think the world couldn't get any more reliant on technology. It's a good idea though. They're sending vouchers by text so refugees can go to markets and get food that can't be sent in an aid basket (stuff like cheese, for example). So it sounds weird as hell, but it's a good idea.

And that's it for today. Check back tomorrow, I'll try to get back into the "every day" routine... Yea, that'll happen. No, it will, trust me...

~Christian

No Title Today

A few years ago, we all heard about Tay Zonday and his "Chocolate Rain." He was all over YouTube. Let's not let his star status wane.

Yea, it's exactly what you think it's about. You can download that track by right clicking this link and clicking "save," by the way.

Have you ever asked yourself "Is this a good day for pie?" This video holds the answer.

Now, if the creators of Family Guy actually animated this segment (as in, they didn't call in another team of animators), you really must give them a hell of a lot of credit for being so flexible in their art style. It doesn't feel forced at all.

So, I've read some interesting court case stories, but I don't think any of them have ever involved shit-slinging. And I mean literal shit-slinging. Yes, that's right. A man threw a bag of his own excrement at the jury during his home-invasion trial... What the fuck would possess someone to throw poo at someone... Especially at the people who decide whether or not you get twenty years in prison. Honestly, dude, what was going through your head?...

Okay, now here's a story with a little grey area. A guy received over $470,000 from a company he never worked for. On the one hand, he was techincally stealing money. On the other, it's free money! He's looking at about six years, as well making up for all he received. So the plasma TV, jacuzzi, wet bar, H3, and new set of clubs to go with the admission into the Country Club are all gonna have to go back. Sorry pal. C'est la vie.

I'll leave you with this. It's a reminder of why people (especially dumb ones) should never be trusted with simple tasks like driving.

What really cracks me up is how they just drive away slowly like "I don't really need to be here, it's not that important. I'll come back tomorrow..."

~Christian

Football is for the Birds

So, about a week ago, during an Oakland/Phillie game, a pigeon joined the Raiders.

The refs should've called that foul: that's an obvious 12 man penalty... The Raiders offered him a contract for $20 million in bird seed, but it looks like he's going to turn it down to pursue his interest in sculptures...

So... here's why you shouldn't do drugs. You may falsely accuse people of being zombies... Yea, it doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense to me either...

Here's a video of a guy buying condoms.

I don't understand why guys are so paranoid buying condoms... It's like proof that you're about to get laid. College Humor also has a "Girl Buying Condoms" video, but I don't think it's as good...

We shall close with a download. This probably isn't a band you've ever heard of, but I really dig them. They're called Automatic Loveletter, and they are similar to bands like Paramore and Hey Monday. Listen to this: it's their "Recovery EP." It's pretty sweet. I especially dig "Make-Up Smeared Eyes." It's an acoustic masterpiece. Her voice is very... unique, too. It's got that same pop punk sound, but it's... I don't know, not as clean cut as say, Hayley Williams' voice. Anyway, download and enjoy.

~Christian

Keanu Reeves Receives Oscar

Ha, no he doesn't. But I found this video about him that's oddly compelling.

Oh, YouTube.

Oh, so remember that guy who got a DWI in his recliner? The police are auctioning it off, if you're in the market for a motorized La-Z-Boy...

Okay, so Australians obviously know how to sell shit. This commercial is an example.

You know, you probably thought I meant using hot women to sell the product. While that is probably the most effective way, chucking shit at 50 mph is still a good choice.

So, I think that most people enjoy being naked. It's more comfortable than wearing clothes. And that's this guy's philosophy, only he got arrested for it. Now, I know what you're saying, "Indecent exposure is a crime. People shouldn't walk around town naked." Well, this guy wasn't walking around town, just his own kitchen. And two people who cut through his yard (which is trespassing, I might add) saw is junk through the window.

That's just ridiculous. What the hell is this world coming to when a man can't walk around his own house in the nude? It's just fucking sad...

Before I go, I'd just like to mention an update about the band: We're back on the track we were earlier... Which means Zane is back in (just scheduling conflicts, I suppose) and we started a beautiful new song called "I Know It Hurts," which Dakota later pointed out to me sounds "really sexual." And he's fucking right... Dammit... But I don't care. The song rocks (and my voice doesn't sound like a dying hippo). That's it for now. Tune in next time for more exciting excitement, mysterious mystery, and funny fun... That was stupid...

~Christian

Some Things Are Just Cooler Than Others

Alright, best Halloween costume ever. And also one of the coolest things I've seen since I watched that penguin receiving knighthood.

That's freakin' sweet.

Alright, so I've posted shit about people getting DWIs before, but this... well, this is just ridiculous. It's awesome that he was driving his La-Z-Boy... He's just a goddamn idiot.

Okay, so which is worse: being in prison, or being home with your wife? Apparently for this guy, prison is way cooler. Because he wants transferred back to prison from house arrest. Something about "you get three square meals a day" and how the "wardens don't steal your credit cards and rack up a huge fucking bill."

So, Saw VI comes out tomorrow. Will I see it? No. Not till it's on DVD.I wanted to find a decent Saw parody, but this was the best I could do.

It's a great Jigsaw impression, really. A lot of people sound like shit when they do it, but he did pretty well.

Anyway, that's it. Till tomorrow... Oh, fuck wait. Zane quit the band today (Yes, I'm aware he's reading this). So that sucks. But we'll figure something out. Hell, I'll learn how to play the guitar if I have to. Anyway, bye.

~Christian

I'm On a Boat! Or Wait, I'm in a Box... Fuck It...

I'm in a box!

Yea, that's some hardcore gangsta shit for yo hizzle. That means "house" in rapper.

So, are you a pothead? Do you need a fucking job? Well, look no further than Denver Colorado's "Westwood" newspaper. They're looking for reviewers... of the state's pot shops. No shit. I hear it's pretty good pay, too.

Okay, so here's a video that's well... I think it explains itself nicely...

I know what you're thinking... Yes, that was "Bohemian Rhapsody" played with armpit farts.

I'll close today with something a little different: Pearls Before Swine! Did you know that if you go to comics.com, you can access all kinds of different newspaper comics? No shit. It's freakin' sweet!












Wow, the uh, the quality kind of blows on this... Click it, you can view it in a new page... It's all good.

~Christian

What Happens When You Find You Cat in Bed With Some Tramp

Ahahahaha! I love finding shit like this!

Love it, love it, love it.

Okay, so here's a video from a guy who calls himself "The Amazing Athiest."

It made me laugh. I'm not all "kill small animals" or anything, but he approached this topic perfectly. Anything can be made funny.

News that makes you go "WTF?" A little kid (like a toddler) fell 30 feet onto rocks. And is fine. Freakin' supertoddler... In other news, people are morons. Disagree? Read this and you won't. She picked up her friend (who was charged with a DWI) from the police station... While she was sloppy-fucking-drunk. Twice the legal limit. Moron.

Remember when I wrote about the guy who shot a cannon through his neighbor's window? He's being brought up on felony charges. This is why old people should be forced to stay in the house, away from dangerous things like cannons.

That's it for now, sorry I didn't put shit up over the weekend, but hopefully you got some fun out of this post. Later!

~Christian

Rockin' It Old School

So, for the past few days, I've been without an MP3 Player (due to a faulty chip which has rendered it completely inoperable). So, I've been sporting a 1998 walkman. No shit. Cassette tapes and all. Here's the links to download the cassettes I've been jammin': First, there's U2's 1991 album "Achtung Baby," which one of my teachers let me borrow. I really dig a couple of the songs on this album (notably "One," "Ultra Violet (Light My Way)," and "Tryin' to Throw Your Arms Around the World"). It's maybe not U2's greatest release, but it's still U2, and therefore awesome. The other tape I've been listening to is Cheap Trick's "Live at the Budokan," which I wasn't able to find a link to. So instead, here's a link to the album with the only song anyone knows by them anyway ("I Want You to Want Me") on "In Color." The live tape is pretty good, so if you ever get your hands on it, it's worth a listen.

So, when I'm on the YouTube homepage looking for cool videos to post here, a few things stick out. First, if a video's title is in all caps, like the one I'm about to show you. Also, it helps to have a few key words that draw my eye...

Honestly, I know what you're all thinking, but I'm actually more interested in the upper body strength of most of those girls. It's incredible. Particularly Jenyne Butterfly. Hardcore.

So I'm on msnbc.com, and I see a news story that says 22-inch man (guess what my initial thought was). Then there's a caption that says "I'm the world's shortest."I'm like "not at 22-inches you're not! That's world's longest, sir." But then I find out it's talking about his height. Holy shit. So, read this story.

That's all for today. I'm gonna get back on track with posting every day, hopefully. Chelsea's gone all weekend, so I won't be distracted (wink wink, nudge nudge).

~Christian

I'm Freakin' Sick

Yea. I hate being sick. And I was gonna try to tough it out, but I'm freakin' sick. So I slept all day. So forgive me if my post today isn't great. But I'm freakin' sick.

So, if you you grew up in my generation, you read "Where the Wild Things Are" at some point. And now they're making a movie. Hardcore.

Oh, yea. I'm seeing it.

Listen to this. Cuz it's pretty.

I less than 3 Hurt...

I'm sure everyone's already heard this (it's been all over the news today) but there was a big search out today for this 6-year-old boy that was thought to be inside a hot air balloon which was floating all over Colorado. But it's all good, he was inside a box in his attic the whole time... What a waste of taxpayers' money, police running all over creation looking for a kid that's actually in his own house. You'd think they would've checked the house first...

I'm done. Peace to all. Unless you're a moron, in which case I hate you...

~Christian

Are Commercials Getting Too Commercial?

Alright, this is a commercial I've been seeing lately, and it cracks me up every time.

I'm telling you, cracks me up.

Alright, so here's a curveball. A guy walks into his house, notices the lock has been forced, and then starts hearing voices. He calls the police, who find a man sleeping in a closet with a dead guy... That's just... I don't know what that is. I guess they were both doing drugs and the one guy OD'd... don't really know, too much has yet to be released. But I might follow up on this one.

Two boys fight off enraged deer with a stick... No shit. It starts beating the shit out of this little 7-year-old, then another kid comes along and hits it with a stick, at which point, the deer was like "Fuck, they've got sticks! No one told me they'd have sticks! All I've got are these razor sharp fucking antlers..."

Okay, one more story for today, just because I think it's hysterical. A guy in Germany got kicked off a train for not having a ticket. So he goes "Fine, I'll just moon all of you." At which point, his pants got caught on a door, and he was dragged along for 200 meters before someone pulled the emergency brake, thinking to themselves "Gee, I don't think he's supposed to be dangling there like that." He wasn't hurt, but I wondered if he got in more trouble for traveling those extra 200 meters without a ticket...

A video, and then I take my leave. Messin' With Sasquatch is pretty much a commercial icon.


~Christian

Homecoming

Yea, homecoming was yesterday. And I was determined to get my fucking money's worth. And it wore me the hell out. I made dinner for Chels, then we danced and later we crashed (literally) at her house. We were out like a light, and slept for like an hour and a half. Fun times.

But enough of my boringness. Videos.

Suit yourself, Shep. But I think it looks really good.

So, here's a reason why you shouldn't have a trashy house/apartment/condo/box under a freeway. A woman died and they can't find her because she's buried somewhere beneath 8 feet deep garbage in her home... That's just fucking gross.

On a somewhat unrelated note: a dead deer in a clown suit was left on the porch of an Iowa family. Ironically, the deer's last words were "I wouldn't be caught dead in the circus..." Funny how things work out.

Okay, so I was showing Chels some of the post in the archives, and I found out some of the videos and news shit don't work anymore. Which is shit. Cuz there were some good ones... But, I guess it doesn't matter too much. Anyway, I think that's it for today. Cuz I can't find anymore good videos (damn YouTube...) I thought I found one of a dog crashing a car, but it turns out it's just some guy talking about a dog crashing a car... Anyway, peace.

~Christian

Why All Guys Like Halloween

This pretty much sums it all up.

Sexy Lobster, Sexy Jesus... It's all good.

So, we all know how YouTube is king when it comes to finding incredibly odd videos at random, right? Okay, just so we're all on the same page...

It made me laugh. A little.

That's it. See you tomorrow.

~Christian