He Can Speak French... In Russian

His legend procedes him, the way lightning precedes thunder. He is... the most interesting man in the world.



That's one of my favorite things these days... The most interesting man in the world. Someone needs to make a movie...

So Arcade Fire just released their third album. And I found this weird cartoon thing about it...



Here's a video of the greatest string quintet ever... ish.



"I said turn off your cell phone, asshole!"

This next video is, by all meanings of the phrase, freakin' awesome.



Alright, so by my knowledge (which albeit isn't much) that instrument is called the shamisen (and the genre is Tsugaru-jamisen). It originated in Japan in the 16th century. It's still used frequently today. Name one other instrument like that. Freakin' sweet.

Okay, I've had enough stuff for one day. See, you only have to go through the stuff I liked. I have to go through a lot of crap to find these gems... And sometimes I post some of the crap when it makes me go "WTF?!" So here's our chaser this week. You've been reading Ashes to Oranges. You're welcome.

One Never Mentions Fight Club

Alright, a few updates. First, I've started a second blog, which will hopefully be of interest to a lot of people. It's called Exie Records and it's awesome. It's different from this one. But it's good.



That's one of my favorite commercials right now. Where does one acquire a miniature giraffe?... I want one. (Gift ideas... only 5 more months...)

In this next video, you will see a news anchor giving a reporter the finger... But I don't speak Russian, so his reasons are unclear.



According to YouTube user soadfannumeroone, in Soviet Russia, "news gives you the finger." Couldn't have said it better myself.

In the News

Little Red Riding Hood finally makes sense. I always wondered why the wolf was so interested in that basket of goodies. Now I know. The "goodies" were actually six pounds of pot... A package addressed to "Grandma Henderson" singled out by drug dogs at a post office in Talladega, Alabama. When three guys came to pick it up, they were arrested and police found, you guessed it, six pounds of pot in the package... Criminals are morons. What happened to the days where you just drove your drugs to wherever they needed to go? Traffickers are just lazy these days... Here's the article.

And now, one of the weirdest videos in the history of YouTube... ish.



This video is still making me laugh.

But that's all for today. I'll leave you with this: The single greatest thing I've ever seen... including the first time I had sex...



The world needs this movie. More than it needs world peace... or universal health care... Search your feelings, you know it to be true...

~Christian

Oh Noes! The Cyber Police!

Welcome to A2O. You just listened to Mel Gibson being... well, being Mel Gibson. I know it's old news, but I don't care. This next video is pretty old, but it's great. It's Jim Carrey accepting an award for Liar, Liar.



Oh, Jim. You and your antics.

This next video is a commercial for Nike and Dick's Sporting Goods. I don't know anything about football, but this is still kind of funny.



Okay so I guess the newest internet chick is some girl named Jessi Slaughter... And I also guess that people have been sending her hate mail. And now she's sad.



I have a question: Why the fuck should we care? First, there will always be haters. Of everything. Second, you put your life in public, you're going to attract haters. So quit fucking crying. Brat... If you didn't hate her in that video, try this one. You have to try really hard to not hate her after this one. It was shot shortly before the first video I showed you.



Okay, I'm done. I'll leave you with this lightning video. As you watch, ponder the age old question: Is this real or fake?

Comididans... Comedidians... You Know What I'm Talkin' About

Steve Carell is hilrious. Easily one of the funniest people on television. You know who else is fuckin' funny? Lewis Black.







I guess today is just gonna be a bunch of comedians. Cuz that's all I want to put up. Haha. Here's Christopher Titus.





Okay, that's it for this week. Join me next time for more fun times!

~Christian

From Torchdown Jesus to Playboy Jesus

First off, yes. It has in fact been a week since my last post. That's because during the months of July and August, posts will only occur once a week, every Thursday. Why? Cuz this is my blog, and I decide the scheduling... But fear not, posts will be longer to make up for the other six days.

Face Palm of the Week (And Quite Possibly All the Other Weeks, Too)

Lindsey Lohan violated the terms of her probation because she's a stupid fucking bitch. So the court system gave her 90 days in prison, followed by 90 days in a rehab facility. Her response to this sentence?



She fucking cries. Like 3 months in prison because she's a cokehead alcoholic bitch is unfair. You can see her mouthing "Is she serious?" when the judge gives the sentence. I'm like "Yea, she's serious, you spoiled little brat. Suck it up and move on. You deserve more jail time than that, honestly." God, she just pisses me off. Why are so many fucking celebrities like this? If you don't want to go to prison... DON'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING ILLEGAL! It's that fucking simple. Just obey the law. And then she's trying to make it out like she's a good person. Your trip to Morocco may have been work, but let's be honest. Being a rock star is also techincally work, but they get a lot of pleasure out of it too. So it wasn't just for work, hun. Sorry you're a washed up junkie that the world has thrown away. Go drown in a bottle of scotch. You fucking crybaby.

Alright, now that that's out of the way, let's watch some videos!

Here's a fail video of a wedding photographer who, apparently, doesn't feel the need to watch where he's going.



... I hope they got a liquidation discount on those pictures... What? That was funny!

Here's something I'm really excited about, and honestly, it makes me want to buy a TomTom.



Yea, that video is pretty much the coolest thing ever. Seriously though, you can actually get Star Wars voices for your TomTom and now I want a TomTom. "Wrong turn you have made... to the Dark side."

In the News

Here's a new one. A guy is so pissed at his wife, he drives his SUV through their front door... Here's Johnny... But yea, that's a true story. Good thing the kids weren't standing right there. I'm pretty sure it's still vehicular manslaughter even if you're in the living room. Looks like he was pretty wasted, which begs the question: Why the hell did they let the bastard drive home?... With precious cargo onboard?... The article can be read here.

Alright, this story is... Morbidly funny. Watch the video, I'll add my comments in a second.



A lot of people are saying she wasn't doing anything wrong and how the police should leave her alone, but honestly, what she did could be considered abuse of a corpse. I mean, she doesn't seem like a whackjob. She sounded perfectly sane... She's just living with and talking to her dead twin and dead husband... God, I bet the sex is really boring...

In other news, Playboy in Portrugal have crossed the line. They put Jesus Christ on the cover with a nude model, as well as an entire photo shoot involving Christ and lesbian models. Hugh Hefner's headquarters is said to be outraged. Who wouldn't be? There's some things you just don't do. Putting Jesus in Playboy is one of them. That's fucked up. You can read the article and see the (censored) cover here. If, however, you wish to see the uncensored cover, well, that's... elsewhere...

Well, that ought to do it. But before I forget, has everyone heard Disturbed's new single? It's called "Another Way to Die," and it's on the album Asylum, which comes out August 31. I'm pretty excited. It reminds me of older Disturbed, like "Vocies" meets "Prayer," you know? Anyway, there's no actualy video to this video, it's pretty much just an animation of this castle (or perhaps, an asylum?...) with fire. But it's pretty cool for only being that. Anyway, check it out.



Okay, that's all I got. Tune in next week for more awesome shit that's also pretty cool... Stay classy, San Francisco.



~Christian

Nice Day for a White Wedding

I'm sure by this point in our blog relationship, you're well aware that I like it when random stuff is played on a random instrument. Well, I found another one. Here's Super Mario played on the violin, with gaming accompaniment.



That's pretty sweet. That takes talent... and a lack of getting laid...

Is it just me, or do they make a sequel to every crappy movie and its brother? It's like a bunch of douchebags sit around and say "Hey, we made 37 dollars off this movie last year. Why don't we make a sequel? I'd bet we make at least $10... Fuckin' stupid movie execs. But the latest shitty sequel is Paranormal Activity 2. Maybe I don't understand the obssession with having the shit scared out of me, I don't know. But they're making one. And it will be stupid. There's no getting around it. Plus, wasn't Paranormal Activity supposedly real home videos, or some shit? Doesn't a swequel kind of kill that theory? I don't know, but here's the trailer. Bullshit...



Oh by the way, if you're alone in a dark house, that's probably not a great video to watch... I'm scared to open my door... Nah, I'm just fuckin' with you.

This next video is... I don't know what the fuck this next video is. I--no, you just have to watch it. I'll talk later.



Okay, so for starters, she naked. And walking backwards and shit. And what's wrong with her eyes? And also, I'm not even sure she was a real person. She almost seemed like CGI. And not even CGI of a human being, but rather CGI of some sort of intergalactic creature. And I don't think she was singing in English. I couldn't make out any of it... That was just... odd.

Yea, there's always a few videos like that, ones that I absolutely cannot understand. I feel like someone needs to share in my utter confusion...

Hey, did anyone else see where Stephen Colbert tried out for the Knicks? I found the episode in 60 seconds. He plays one-on-one with Allan Houston. He spotted Stephen 9 points. And Stephen beat him... thanks to video editing!

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
6/30/10 in :60 Seconds
http://www.colbertnation.com/
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Fox News

Well, that's it. I leave you with an epic fail montage. You're welcome.



~Christian

Nothing Like Slamming a Silver Bullet Into a Well-Greased Chamber... If You Know What I Mean

I'm sure everyone has seen this Internet Explorer commercial, but if you haven't here it is.



I was just thinking about it in a new light, and that light is this: Are you telling me that all I have to do to scam people out of their money is to just not do it on the internet? That's what I learned. Not that I should upgrade my browser, but that 1) People are idiots and will do anything for quick cash, and 2) We've become so used to internet scams that we've forgotten that real life scams exist... Unbelievable.

You know what else is unbelievable? It's getting to be where we can't do anything on our own property anymore. You remember like a year ago, when I posted that news video of the guy who was in his house naked, and some people sued him? Consider this story a sequel. There's a guy in western Pennsylvania who is being fine $600. For what, you ask? For keeping hundreds of bags of garbage on his property. The trash isn't on anyone else's property, only his. He says it's like fertilizer for the 350 kinds of medicinal herbs and vegetables he grows. At this point, you're saying "It's still garbage! It still reeks!" Nope. Cuz the bags are filled with leaves. Apparently, it keeps the soil insulated. I don't know, I don't grow anything. But it seems logical. It's like compost. And for you, Mr. Zeller, I say fuck the district judge. It's your property, do whatever the fuck you want on it. Anyone who complains can answer to me. And by "answer to," I mean "suck." And by "me," I mean "my dick." The article is here, if you want to read more.

Alright, let's see what comedian I'm into today... And the winner is: Jimmy Carr! Congrats, Jimmy! You've made it onto A2O. That's kind of like an achievement, only not at all like it... whatsoever... Anyway, let's see Jimmy do some stand-up.



Yea, he's like the one-liner king. Dimitri Martin is good at one-liners, too. I don't know, I think we'll call it a tie.

Well, computer's acting up. Think that's my cue. Checking up on some jobs tomorrow (wish me luck), and then it's off to Kentucky for the weekend... Which means we may not see another new post until Monday. But we'll see how it all plays out. Good night, everyone, and as always, you're welcome.



~Christian

Fuck Laptops, Wireless Internet, and the Whole Fuckin' World!

I just watched the premiere of "Louis" on FX. It was hilarious. What else could I expect from Louis C.K.?



More? I thought so.



Well, my computer is being a shithead. Doesn't want to load anything. So that will most likely be the last video. I don't want to put something up unless I know it's good, and I can't think of any good videos I've seen that I haven't put up here before... So, that's that. Let's turn to the news... Or not... Fuckin' computer... It's brand damn new, I don't see any reason it should run like a piece of shit. I can't download anything on it, which is probably the fault of the processor, which I guess gets burned out really fuckin' easily... You know what? I'll just see you tomorrow. Maybe by then it'll stop acting up.

Piece of shit.

~Christian

So Bleeding Boring

Just got back from a Dragons game (courtesy of Kyle). They won 15-10. It's weird because they had been down like, four or five runs before we got there, but the second we got there, the Dragons scored 8 in one inning. Yea, we're magic like that.

I liked that Geico thing I showed yesterday, so I found another one. It's the silence that makes it golden.



Oh, Abe. Sometimes, one has to lie...

Alright, I don't know what the hell the woman in this next video was thinking... But she's an idiot.



... Yea, that happened. People are just... Well, you know. They're stupid.

Okay, this video is funny, mostly cuz I just got back from a baseball game. But it's like a sport within a sport.



Haha! See, he was falling asleep and then his head falls back... Yea, you got it. That's funny as hell.

Okay, I think we're good. Be back tomorrow!



~Christian

Jackwagon

So I wanted to start my own online radio station, but apparently the only good one is Live365, and you have to pay for it... So needless to say, I'm not starting my own station... But if I did, it would rock.

Okay, here's a weird story. A woman falls out of a third story window and lands on a car. She bonuces off the hood. Then she walks into her neighbor's open garage, goes into the house and falls asleep... Other than some minor injuries, she was fine... I'd like to give you a reason for why this happen, like that she was drunk. But the article doesn't say she was drunk. Just one of life's mysteries...

Here's a show called "Tech Know," in which they review various gadgets and gizmos and whatnot. I don't care about what they're reviewing, this is just funny.



Kind of wish that the chick was the one researching, though. If you know what I mean... No? Okay.

I found another story similar to the one from earlier. A guy broke into someone's house and then fell asleep. That's probably a bad idea. Especially if you plan on getting away with breaking in... But I guess we can't all be criminal masterminds like me... Here's the article.

That's all I got. See you tomorrow!



~Christian

Raccoons: Friends or Foes?

Just got back from seeing Zane and Josh playing an acoustic gig. Little did I know it was not at the Artisan's Cafe, as Facebook had informed me. No. It was in the hookah lounge next door... Thanks for the heads up, Facebook. So it was a little different. But good, nonetheless.

Let's start with something really cool. This is a game called Avalanche. It looks really simple, but this game made four guys stop playing Modern Warfare 2 and stare intently into the computer screen, cheering for the little marshmallow guy. It's fun as hell. Try and beat my record: 518 ft. I don't know what the all-time high is, but it's probably some ridiculous number that no human or android could ever reach...

In the News

Raccoons are not to be trusted. Apparently, a single raccoon managed to knock out power to a section of downtown Memphis for five hours. Why? The motives are as of yet unclear, but police suspect this is the first in a series of outages staged to make us succumb to the demands of the raccoon army... The full article is here.

This next story is about a couple who will never be in the running for "Parents of the Year." So picture this: a 52-year-old man and his 30-year-old wife or girlfriend or something, have their 1-year-old and 4-year-old son in a stroller and are pushing them down the street at 1 AM. Did I mention the parents were drunk? And also that the kids were in the stroller next to cases of booze? And also a double-edged bayonet?... I didn't? Oh, well it's all true. And that's why they are arguably the worst parents ever. Here's the full article.

Time for the first video. Many people have seen zombie movies, but few know what to do in case of a zombie attack. Zombie Awareness Day has already passed, but it is still important to know how to stay alive when zombies come to eat your brain.



Well, I can't seem to find anymore cool videos tonight... So we'll end with this video of an iPhone 4 being shot by a .50 Cal.



You know, maybe if the iPhone had some useful apps, it wouldn't suck so much. But I'm tired of every fucker with an iPhone saying "Dude, check out my iGun, and my iLightsaber..." I got an idea, Apple: How about putting in a real gun. That way we can use our phone for self-defense... or to rob liquor stores... or to shoot Apple execs in the face... Or how about an app that puts out fires?
"Oh no, my stove is on fire!"
"Don't worry, I've got my iPhone with a built in fire extinguisher!"
"My hero!"
But no, it's all stupid fucking nonsense. And any fucker can upload an app. Cuz shit like that has worked in the past... Maybe that's the real problem. Maybe that's where all the stupid apps come from... But it was Apple's idea to allow for that in the first place...

~Christian

Un Chat Grand...

This is gonna sound kind of weird, but I really like Lady GaGa's new single, "Alejandro." I told you it was weird. Anyway, if you've never seen the original video, it's made a lot of people... let's say "uncomfortable." It's essentially a bunch of guys rubbing all over each other and stuff. I didn't feel real awkward watching it. I'm pretty open-minded. I did, however, feel awkward watching this video parody...



Yea, like I said: It's awkward...

Apparently, at a Kindergarten graduation ceremony (which are stupid, by the way) several parents were arrested for starting a physical fight... There were like, over 20 people invovled in this thing... While their 6-year-olds were commencing to first grade... I swear, some people, I just wanna take their little necks and... Anyway, some people just piss me off. I don't know what the fight was about, but one parent probably said something like "Your kid's stupid, they let him graduate?" At which point the other parent hit the first in the face, I don't know. But you can read the full article here.

This next video is from someone named Peter Chao. It's also like a mirror of what I think of the iPad, and all other Apple garbage.



That's it today. I'm leaving you with a French commercial. Enjoy.



In case you don't understand French, they're using orange soda as an aftershave here. Apparently, they use the same thing for deodorant and acne medicine as well... Weird... Oh yea, and there's a giant cat...

~Christian

"We're Almost Through the Month of June," Said the Sun to the Moon

Good thing she had password protection, something tells me he was carrying a virus...

What's up? Welcome to A2O. I'd like to start today with a with a little dissertation I've prepared...

"Why You Shouldn't Get Drunk and then Swim in the Ocean," a dissertation by Christian Yates

If you get really hammered, chances are, you're going to pass out. If you're just swimming along, you could pass out and drown. Or get eaten by sharks. If you're like this guy, however, and you're on a pool floaty... Well, then things get interesting. He floated a mile off shore. He very easily could've been lost forever. Or been eaten by sharks... So if you're gonna get wasted, please be responsible: Don't drink and swim.

Alright, here's an interesting video, which thoroughly proves that Apple should go fuck themselves. Apparently, if you hold the iPhone 4 the wrong way, you'll drop calls.



I hate Apple crap. Makes me mad that every MP3 player is referred to as an iPod. And the iPhone is just one useless app away from having its ass kicked by yours truly.

Now onto the shocking science fiction part of our show.

Tales From the Beyond!

Scotland has its share of oddities, such as the Loch Ness Monster and men wearing dresses, but it seems a new creature, the Horse Boy, has spawned from the dark, mysterious... um, suburb of Aberdeen?... Okay, so maybe Horse Boy isn't actually half-man, half-horse, but can you give me a reason why anyone would do this?














It's absolutely fascinating. Caught for the first time on camera by Google's Street View van.

Skeptics have said that you can see him putting on the mask when you back down the road... I don't know. Just one of life's unsolved mysteries. Although, I hope we hear more from Horse Boy in the future.

Well, that ought to wrap it up for today. Tune in tomorrow for more crazy stuff. Until then, here's the craziest thing I could find this week.



~Chrisitan

PADD: People Against Dogs Driving

In the News

Okay, I'm not against animal rights, but we have to draw the line somewhere. For example, I don't think that animals should have the right to operate a motor vehicle. Here's why: Animals cannot correctly control cars. They lack the neccessary opposible thumb, as well as the hand-eye coordination. A Florida dog, who began driving his owner's truck, ended up running his owner over. They cannot be trusted to drive. The article for that story is here.

MTV has a new show out called "Warren the Ape." It's a spin-off of FOX's "Greg the Bunny" which got cancelled a while back. Now, I know what you're thinking: "Christian, you hate MTV." True. But sometimes, there are diamonds in the rough. Take a look at this clip, you'll see why I love it.



Yea, pretty much the whole show is like that. It's just about a sex-addicted ape puppet who's trying to become a successful actor again. Quite funny, actually.

Here's a video with another fake ape. Only this one's not quite as smooth.



What I want to know is what part of his body hit the gate?... Look at the slow-motion at 0:17. His head misses the gate, then you can hear something hit it... But it looked like he was grabbing his head... I don't know, one of life's great mysteries, I suppose.

One more video, then it's adios. This video comes to us from FND Films, led by Aaron Fronk. It's all in Arabic, but don't worry: there are subtitles.



Well, that about does it. Only one thing left to do. Roll that beautiful bean footage.



It would've been better if it had been a Busch's baked beans commercial, but this video was way cooler.

~Christian

Cuz I'm Free... Free-Ballin'

I'm excited. I just found out today that my favorite superhero, Green Lantern, is getting a movie in 2011. My only thing is that Ryan Reynolds has been casted as Hal Jordan. Now, I like Ryan Reynolds. But he'd be better to play GL if they were making a Kyle Rayner movie. I don't know. I'm pretty sure I'll love it all the same. They haven't released a trailer yet, but I found a fan-made trailer on YouTube. Normally, I don't like fan-made stuff, but this absolutely blew me away.



If you didn't know better, you'd think it was the real thing.

You know I'm almost considering moving this blog to a weekly thing, and just having like, longer posts. One-a-day is much harder than you'd think... Anyway!

The Onion. A source of smiles and laughter for years. The Onion Sports Network has recently released a report about soccer officially announcing that it's gay. It's about time soccer came out of the closet.



I'm proud of soccer. It's not easy to admit something like that.

In the News

Okay, so I've heard of restaurants selling some pretty cazy menu items. But I think this one is my all-time favorite. A restaurant in Arizona is serving lion burgers. Real African lion meat. But the crazy thing is that people are protesting. They've been getting hate mail and even a bomb threat. God, I guess people just can't handle change... Seriously though, a bomb treat? Aren't environmentalists supposed to be peaceful people?... Anyway, the full article is here.

So, for a long time, I've heard that Utah is crazy. This solidifies it. A woman led police on a chase through two suburbs, after stealing two cars (one of which was a police cruiser). Naked. The whole time, butt-naked. And no, she wasn't high or drunk. She's just psychotic. She ran through sage brush naked. I think even a stoner would think twice about that. You can read that story here.

Thank God for mass media and msnbc.com and whatnot, right? Bringing us news we actually care about; news of the strange kind. So, that about does it for today. Hope you all had fun. I know I did. Stay cool, world. Stay cool.



~Christan

Holy Rusted Metal, Batman!

Amanda Bynes is retiring from acting. She's 24. Apparently, she just doesn't love it anymore, and feels it's pointless to do something you don't love. Good point. But what's really freakin' weird is the fact that she's made enough money already that she's able to retire. It's ridiculous. The article is here.

What's up? Happy Monday. I'm gonna start with a relatively old video (which for some reason I never put up here...) Don't let your mind take you where you think the song's going.



Yea, it's pretty hysterical.

Here's another pretty hardcore song: It's Maynard James Keenan (of Tool and A Perfect Circle) covering Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" at E3 2010! Could it be anymore awesome?!



Told you. That's about as much awesome you can put into 6 minutes.

By the way, I'm really excited about the iPhone 4. It's gonna be sweet, look at this commercial.



Yea, it's a spoof. You think I'd actually be excited abut an iPhone? Oh, gullible public, when will you learn?

Well, I'm thinking that'll wrap things up. More to come tomorrow. Over and out.

~Christian

Mary Had a Metal Lamb

I've decided to start collecting comics (I know, I sort of missed the bandwagon...) I don't care if they're not that popular anymore. Those who know me know that I don't exactly like whatever's popular. Not to say that I hate popular things. Anyway, as I was researching various comics, to see what the market for them looks like, I came across this: A Flash comic from 1959, the second issue to feature the Mirror Master, in excellent condition. The only problem is that it's 150 fucking dollars. I don't care about it that much... Especially when I can get the same damn issue for 99 cents, in slightly less prestine condition. People are crazy.

So today was Father's Day. I hope everybody wished their father a happy Father's Day, maybe go their dad a card, took him out to eat, something. Happy Father's Day to any fathers who are reading this blog.

Okay, now let's watch some videos, starting with this one, featuring dancing boobs!



... You didn't think the boobs were going to be naked, did you? When have I ever shown nudity on this blog?... Oh yea, like a week ago... Oh well.

This next video is classic in the sense that videos of stupid people getting hurt are always classic.



It's pretty wild. I thought the shark was dead until he bit the guy's finger... Wild. And stupid of the guy. The moral: Never put your hands in a shark's mouth, even if you think it's dead.

So, I heard about this yard sale. I don't know if anyone else has heard of Highway 127 or not, but in the first weekend of August, they have the world's longest yard sale: 675 miles... From the tip of Michigan all the way down to Alabama... And I want to go so bad. I'm hoping to find like, vinyl records and comics and stuff, but you can find pretty much anything there (from what I hear). I've heard that some places in like Tennessee and such will have whole pastures full of shit. Antiques and furniture and all kinds of weird stuff you've never seen before. To say the least, I'm pretty excited.

When was the last time taxes saved your life? For most of us, probably never, but for Earl Phillips, a phone call Saturday about his taxes saved his life. He was talking to the rep when he began having a heart attack (because she probably told him how much he was gonna have to pay). The stupid thing Earl here did was that he didn't want to tell the rep that he needed help. But she noticed he was having trouble breathing, so she sent the paramedics to his address. Good girl. Anyway, you can read that article here.

And I'm out. See you guys tomorrow. The video I'm using to play us out, by the way, was created by my brother. It's a metal version of Mary Had a Little Lamb. He played and recorded it himself, and also put together the slideshow for it. The only problem is, I can't just put the video here for some reason. So here's a link. Fuckin' Facebook.

~Christian

Wakka Wakka Wakka

Today was my last day in Georgia. I head back north tomorrow... at freakin' 6 AM... But you're not here to listen to me whine about my life. No, you're here to listen to me whine about other shit! So let's get started.

In the News

It's people like the guy in this story that make me hang me head in shame. Brandon Farmer, a 24-year-old moron from Ohio, got drunk and his buddies dared him to jump onto the back of a tractor-trailer... The semi then starts moving and the guy has o hold on for dear life. He calls 911, who eventually pull the truck over an ge the man off the back. Ufortunately, they weren't able to do anything about his stupidity... The full article is here.

Here's a pretty cool video. It's a techno style DJ... thing... I don't know what to call it. Someone took sound bytes from the original Toy Story and made this weird dance song.



See, pretty cool. Kinda catchy.

This next one is one of my new favorite videos of ever. It's all stop-motion, and it's awesome. The creator said it took over two weeks to do all of it.



Sweet right? Suck it, Tim Burton... Okay, maybe it's not Corpse Bride or Wallace and Grommit, but still. It's cool.

Alright, I'm done. Here's something cool to end on. See you next time.



~Christian

Toy Story 3 Was...

I just got back from watching Toy Story 3, and it was arguably the best Disney/Pixar movie, and quite possibly the best movie in the trilogy. The animation was flawless, it had action, suspense, a hint of romance. Don't spread it around, but it almost made me cry. Easily the best movie of 2010 (thus far). This is a really short review, I know, but it's because I can't accurately describe how awesome it was and because I have absolutely nothing bad to say about it. It was clever, funny, action-packed, and more intense than Die Hard. And you know how much I love Die Hard... I love Die Hard... Anyway, Toy Story 3: A++, 10/10, 5 stars, two thumbs up. It's worth whatever you have to pay to see it.

Okay, so I guess the Lakers won the NBA finals... I don't know when, I don't follow sports. What I do follow is crazy news. When you start a fucking riot because your favorite NBA team lost, you should be euthanized...



That's fucking ridiculous. They set a damn car on fire... Unbelievable.

... There's nothing to say about this next video except "What the hell?"...



Biggest mustache ever...

Alright, that's all I've got energy for today. I'll be back tomorrow.

Stuffy Stuff for Bettering... Stuff

So I've heard a lot of stories about stupid criminals. About criminals making messes and what-not. But it's always funny when a thief cleans up. This guy stole $300 worth of equipment from a scouting trailer, and left it cleaner than when he got there... The weird thing really is what he stole: toilet paper, paper towels, a First Aid kit... I think it was an inside job... Here's the full article.

So with the World Cup underway, it's time that us Americans start pretending we know shit about soccer. So here's a soccer video.



That was an awesome save. This video is fake, but they did an excellent job.

This one is a video that, if it hasn't already, is sure to go viral. Came out about a month ago. It's Kumo, the kung-fu bear!



God, as if bears weren't dangerous enough, now they've learned kung-fucking-fu! How could this be any worse?!



Dios mios, no!

Ever have something stolen that you thought you'd never see again? Never give up hope, because apparently, stolen things can still be recovered years later. This guy had his prized truck stolen in 1972. They recovered it on Tuesday. Unfortunately, no charges can be filed, but honestly, after 38 years, I wouldn't give a fuck, especially after getting it back. The full article can be read here.

Well, that's it or today. Here's an older video to play us out.



~Christian

Everybody Loves People Falling

Wanna hear a big fish story? This guy from Colorado is in a fishing tourney in Alaska. First, does everyone know what a halibut is? If you're too lazy to click the link, it's a fish that averages abou 25 pounds. Impressive. This guy in Alaska caught a fucking 337 pound halibut. Now, if you clicked the link, you'd know that the record is 470 pounds, but still. This is cool, right? Whatever, here's the article.

Welcome. Hopefully I'll show you some pretty cool stuff tonight. If not, well, there's always tomorrow. Let's get started. But before we do, I have an important announcement: I beat Daniel Tosh! I'm gonna sound like a total dork, but I wanted to put a video on this blog before Tosh.0 had it, and I finally did it! Remember that video of the wedding DJ slapping that chick's boobs around? Watch the new Tosh.0, they're just now playing it. I beat him by a couple days, anyway.

Anyway, let's watch some videos. This first video is a lot like a classic. Because it's a montage of people falling. And who doesn't like to watch people fall?



This next video you probably won't understand a word of (unless you're fluent in Korean), but fear not: there are sutitles! It's an speaking lesson for Korean people learning English.



Here's a story that will make you lose a little bit of faith in the world. So this lady takes a cab ride to the airport. The total comes to $33. She doesn't tip. First, you should always tip cabbies and waiters/waitresses, and this lady should've tipped. And all the cabbie asked for was 10%. But here's where things head south. The cabbie locked her in his cab for half an hour, demanding that she pay the tip. The tip would only be three fucking bucks... There's no sanity in this world... You can read the full article here.

Well, that's it for now. Hope everyone enjoyed it. Here's something cute.



~Christian

And God Said Unto the People: "What the Fuck?"

Face Palm of the Week/Jesus Does Not Approve

So I'm sure that over the 6 years that it's existed, we've all come to know the giant Jesus statue on I-75. Well, Jesus does not approve. Apparently, last night at like, 11, it was struck by lightning and it went up in flames. For six yars, I've said that Jesus would not want the quarter million it took to build it to be spent on something as stupid as a giant fucking statue, rather the money should've gone to some kind of charity. Apparently, God agrees with me. The fire damage is going to cost the church 3 times the amount it took to build the god-awful (see what I did there?) monstrosity, about $700,000.

Maybe the fuckers who decided to build it learned a lesson. And I think one look at this photo could make anyone see the evils of flaunting wealth. I know that every time I drive by it now, I'm just going to laugh.

I mean, why would anyone need a 62-foot Jesus? It's absolutely ridiculous...

And that's the Face Palm of the Week.

In the News

Alright, this first story is quite possibly the weirdest story I've ever read in the history of this blog. The first sentence made me so confused: "A German student created a traffic jam in Bavaria after making a rude gesture at a group of Hells Angels motorcycle gang members, hurling a puppy at them and then escaping on a stolen bulldozer." Yea, this shit happened. He caused a 3-mile long traffic jam, then drove away in his stolen bulldozer. Then he went home. That's the stupdest place you can go when the cops are looking for you... WTF? Here's the full article, but you can't make this shit up.

Okay, here's another weird one for you... in video form.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

A goat... in the trunk. That's a new one.

Alright, let's watch some videos.



There's not a lot to say about that video, actually...

This one is a video from a guy who just wanted to make a parody video. This desire resulted in the police being called...



Yea, it's a hell of a crazy world out there. Anyway, that's it for now. I'll be back tomorrow. Have a good one.



~Christian

Straight, No Chaser

Sometimes, it's okay to call people fucking morons. Like when they try to drive a jet ski into the back of a van with no one in the driver's seat. How much thought process did that take? How many brain cells did that guy use?...

So I'm pretty excited about some movies that are coming out soon. The first of which is Toy Story 3, which comes out Friday. Regal Cinemas in the Mall of Georgia, however, is screening it on Thursday. Since I'm down in Georgia right now, I guess I'm lucky. I'll give a review of it after I see it. The other movie I really want to see is Knight and Day. I don't really know exactly what it's about, which is exciting. I don't really know what to expect. Here's the trailer.



I also really want to see The Last Airbender. Here are my only stipulations with it: 1) M. Night Shamylan is directing. Judging from his last movie, The Happening, he's probably not gonna do so hot. 2) If they're going to condense the entire series into a 2-hour movie, then it's definitely going to suck. Here's the trailer.



Alright, one last thing before I go.

Things I Actually Like

Zuma. It's some weird game where you're a frog and you shoot colored balls. It's... weird. But it's fun as hell. Here's a link to a site where you can play it. I don't know a whole lot about it, as far as where it comes from (because it seems like it has some sort of African or South American design) or who created it, but I know it's fucking addictive.

So that's it. I'll be back tomorrow with more cool stuff!

~Christian

Quite Hypnotic

This video is from Jimmy Kimmel Live. It's the latest segment of "This Week in Unnecessary Censorship."



Next up are a couple really funny videos from Funny or Die. The first one is about Ralph Macchio, the star of the original Karate Kid.

Wax On, F*ck Off with Ralph Macchio from Ralph Macchio

That was absolutely brilliant. But the humor isn't as obvious as this next one.

White Women's Workout - watch more funny videos

No diet or exercise program works like having a black man scare the shit out of you. I only I'd capitalized on this sooner...

There's not really any weird news today, it makes me mad... So here's another Funny or Die video!

He Said It First (Uncensored) - watch more funny videos

Haha, John McCunt. Classic. Well, that will wrap it up for today. I wish I could find more stuff, but I cunt... dammit...



~Christian

Frankie Say Relax

Welcome to Ashes to Oranges. This first video is a commercial, and I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be a slam on BP... But I'm not sure.



If it is a slam on BP, then well played. If not, then I don't get it.

Here's something that I've really been enoying on another installment of Things I Actually Like. So this guy designed an online video game for fun andithas since exploded and gone viral. The game is called "Super Mario Bros. Crossover" and in it, you can play through the entire Super Mario Bros. game as Mario, Mega Man, Link, and a few other familiar faces. It's really cool, I played it for like, an hour.

I read that Wendy's has been giving away CDs in their kids' meals. First of all, I love music, but if I'm a 5-year-old, I don't care about Donna Sommers and the Jackson 5. I want a freaking toy! But here's the thing: Wendy's had to pull one of the CDs they had in circulation because of "racy lyrics." What were these racy lyrics, you ask? I was expecting a swear word or maybe something, anything explicit. No. In Donna Sommers' "Last Dance," she says "so horny." People just freak out over nothing. Anything to start drama, I guess... You can read the full article from MSNBC here.

Alright, here's another sweet video, similar to the video I showed a few days ago with the drop of water on a hydrophobic surface.



... Sand is sweet. Too bad not all sand is like this... That would be awesome.

Alright, that's all I've got. Time to play us out. This is Ashes to Oranges. And you're welcome.



~Christian

I Can Feel It in the Air Tonight

Are you fat? Have you tried everything and still can't lose weight? Well, now there's hope! Just become te world's fattest person! A New Jersey woman has tried this proven system and has gotten the results she wanted! Seriously though. I guess this chick was just like, "Well,I can't lose the weight... Fuck it, I'll become the fattest bitch this world's ever seen!" Read the article here.

That's unhealthy, by the way. Do not try that at home. Welcome. Let's watch a video of a guy who thought he was tough...



That looked like a lot of weight. Honestly, I commend him for trying. There's no way in hell I could've done it. And apparently there's no way in hell he could either.

So apparently, in Mexico, soccer > religion. What makes me say this? Because they've dressed up little Nino Dios (a statue of Jesus as a child) in a soccer uniform. Click this link and look at the picture. He's got more balls around him than a kid at Neverland Ranch... Is it bad to make a joke about baby Jesus and Michael Jackson (may he burn in peace) in the same sentence?... Ah, I don't care.

Well, I'm tired so that's it for today. See you all tomorrow. Enjoy.



~Christian

Start With Boobs, End With Lasagna

A few weeks ago, Hayley William, lead singer of Paramore, found herself in a little bit of trouble. And by trouble, I mean nude pictures of her leaked and went viral. Her response? "WTF? I got hacked!" Clearly, she didn't want people to see that pic, which begs the question: Why the hell did you take it then? Aren't pictures meant to be looked at by someone? Here's a suggestion for everyone: Don't ever take pictures of yourself naked unless you want it all over the internet. That being said, here's a link to an uncensored photo. Honestly, Hayley, this was your fault. If you didn't want us to see them, you shouldn't have snapped a nice little pic.

Welcome to Ashes to Oranges. What's with these singers lately? First Katy Perry, now Hayley Williams.

Let's start with a video from a YouTube celebrity: Mystery Guitar Man.



Isn't...that... fucking... incredible... Yea, he's pretty much the most awesome weblebrity... I might have made up that word, I don't know.

In the News

So don't you hate it when this happens to you: You're stealing things out of cars and then selling them on the street and then you end up trying to sell it to the owner? Annoying, right? That's exactly what happened to this guy, and according to police, this is his 40th arrest... Wow. Burglary is a tough charge. Tougher when you add larceny.

You gotta love drunk people. Always laughing and falling down and touching us inappropriately even after we've begged them to stop... Well here's a new one: This drunk guy broke into a bank (wait for it) to sleep. He was charged for burglary, but he didn't steal anything. So it's really just a B&E. I think the charges are a little excessive, but whatever. Here's the link for the article.

Well, that's it for today. Here's a video to play us out.



~Christian