From Torchdown Jesus to Playboy Jesus

First off, yes. It has in fact been a week since my last post. That's because during the months of July and August, posts will only occur once a week, every Thursday. Why? Cuz this is my blog, and I decide the scheduling... But fear not, posts will be longer to make up for the other six days.

Face Palm of the Week (And Quite Possibly All the Other Weeks, Too)

Lindsey Lohan violated the terms of her probation because she's a stupid fucking bitch. So the court system gave her 90 days in prison, followed by 90 days in a rehab facility. Her response to this sentence?



She fucking cries. Like 3 months in prison because she's a cokehead alcoholic bitch is unfair. You can see her mouthing "Is she serious?" when the judge gives the sentence. I'm like "Yea, she's serious, you spoiled little brat. Suck it up and move on. You deserve more jail time than that, honestly." God, she just pisses me off. Why are so many fucking celebrities like this? If you don't want to go to prison... DON'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING ILLEGAL! It's that fucking simple. Just obey the law. And then she's trying to make it out like she's a good person. Your trip to Morocco may have been work, but let's be honest. Being a rock star is also techincally work, but they get a lot of pleasure out of it too. So it wasn't just for work, hun. Sorry you're a washed up junkie that the world has thrown away. Go drown in a bottle of scotch. You fucking crybaby.

Alright, now that that's out of the way, let's watch some videos!

Here's a fail video of a wedding photographer who, apparently, doesn't feel the need to watch where he's going.



... I hope they got a liquidation discount on those pictures... What? That was funny!

Here's something I'm really excited about, and honestly, it makes me want to buy a TomTom.



Yea, that video is pretty much the coolest thing ever. Seriously though, you can actually get Star Wars voices for your TomTom and now I want a TomTom. "Wrong turn you have made... to the Dark side."

In the News

Here's a new one. A guy is so pissed at his wife, he drives his SUV through their front door... Here's Johnny... But yea, that's a true story. Good thing the kids weren't standing right there. I'm pretty sure it's still vehicular manslaughter even if you're in the living room. Looks like he was pretty wasted, which begs the question: Why the hell did they let the bastard drive home?... With precious cargo onboard?... The article can be read here.

Alright, this story is... Morbidly funny. Watch the video, I'll add my comments in a second.



A lot of people are saying she wasn't doing anything wrong and how the police should leave her alone, but honestly, what she did could be considered abuse of a corpse. I mean, she doesn't seem like a whackjob. She sounded perfectly sane... She's just living with and talking to her dead twin and dead husband... God, I bet the sex is really boring...

In other news, Playboy in Portrugal have crossed the line. They put Jesus Christ on the cover with a nude model, as well as an entire photo shoot involving Christ and lesbian models. Hugh Hefner's headquarters is said to be outraged. Who wouldn't be? There's some things you just don't do. Putting Jesus in Playboy is one of them. That's fucked up. You can read the article and see the (censored) cover here. If, however, you wish to see the uncensored cover, well, that's... elsewhere...

Well, that ought to do it. But before I forget, has everyone heard Disturbed's new single? It's called "Another Way to Die," and it's on the album Asylum, which comes out August 31. I'm pretty excited. It reminds me of older Disturbed, like "Vocies" meets "Prayer," you know? Anyway, there's no actualy video to this video, it's pretty much just an animation of this castle (or perhaps, an asylum?...) with fire. But it's pretty cool for only being that. Anyway, check it out.



Okay, that's all I got. Tune in next week for more awesome shit that's also pretty cool... Stay classy, San Francisco.



~Christian