Ranting in the Third Person

Lately, I've been logging on to MyLifeisAverage.com. It's a site where people share quirky stories and experiences they've had. Most of the stories on there are freaking hysterical. Like this one, for example:

"Today in math class, we were all doing our homework for review in class. I was playing Pokemon on my DS online, playing someone in the area. I got my ass kicked several times by the same person. My teacher then announces 'Someone in this school sucks at Pokemon'. I have never idolized a teacher more."

"I ordered pizza online from pizza hut. They had a 'Special Instructions' box, so for kicks I put in 'Arrange topping in shape of a dinosaur'. Instead they arranged 'NO' in vegetables. Touche' pizza hut."

That's awesome. But some of the other stories on there are, I believe, people trying to get attention. Allow me to elaborate:

"Today, one of the boys at my school asked me what kind of girl I am. My reply? 'The kind who get's sunburned from being outside blowing bubbles too long.' I have a date this Friday."

Let me start with what the guy in this story did wrong. What kind of question is "What kind of girl are you?" How do you answer that? "Ummm, I'm a white girl?..." Stupid fucking questions get stupid fucking answers, which brings us to the girl. She just wants to feel validated because she's a weirdo.

I hate people that do this kind of shit. They tell you all this bullshit about their life. Sometimes I want to yell "I don't care!" What's worse is when people bitch about their lives all the time. Sure, I complain a lot, but it's not about how much my life sucks. There's this one chick I know, and every time I see her, she's like "I don't have a boyfriend. I'm so depressed and suicidal. Why can't I get a boyfriend?" I want to look her right in the eye and say "Because you're a stupid whiny brat who needs to roll up her sleeves and get the fuck over it. Life ain't easy. And you ain't makin' it any better sitting around crying about this stupid shit all the time." I mean honestly, why would someone assume that because they don't have a boyfriend in high school that they're going to be alone for the rest of their life. It's fucking pathetic! So quit. Get over it... And stop telling me shit I don't care about...

Hello, and welcome to Ashes to Oranges. Haha. That was a long time coming, I think. I really needed to say all that. By the way, if you are one of those kinds of people I mentioned, don't tell me. Cuz I don't care. Just get over it, consider this a test.

Alright, here's a cool video. They took the cantina scene from thge original Star Wars and edited it to advertise the FIFA World Cup.



That's hilarious. "I don't like you either, fool." Oh, Snoop Dogg. Your antics are always funny, in this or anything other galaxy.

In the News

This first story comes to us from Wenatchee, Washington. A guy was arrested two days ago for a disorderly conduct charge. They strip-searched him and found nothing on his person. Later, however, the police found a plastic bag and duct tape in the toilet: signs of contraband havign been smuggled in rectally. Usually, an inmate will have smuggled in a small bag of drugs, or something along those lines. What did this inmate carry in? A cigarette lighter, rolling papers, a baggie of tobacco the size of a golf ball, a smaller baggie of marijuana, a 1-inch smoking pipe, a bottle of tattoo ink and eight tattoo needles. Holy shit. That was all up his ass in a plastic bag. The original article is here.

So, Russia. We knew they were a little... you know. But this is like, solid, undeniable proof. The mayor of a Russian town beat a 69-year-old woman who was too slow to open the door to his office on Tuesday. What the hell? He was arrested and charged with abuse of authority. Why couldn't he open his own damn door? You know what I do when someone doesn't open a door for me? Nothing. I open it myself. End of story. No need to go all Rambo on an old lady... Read the article here.

I'm about to head out, so I'll leave you with this. Enjoy.



~Christian